Since childhood I never believed in marriage and held on to it even at the time of my marriage in 1997 at the age of 27. I hadn't observed any happy marriages although divorce rates were !esser at that time.
Socrates said by all means marry, if you are successful you are happy or you become a philosopher.
Sadly,looking around I don't find happy families although they appear to be so nor do I see a swelling of philosophers!
Instead you have couples in distress, groping in the dark,not knowing why they are not happy. Still others hold on feeling grudge towards each other but also feeling trapped. They believe they made the wrong choice and keep blaming themselves.
Still others break up or live separately. There was a classic case of a couple who held on till the marriage of their children and immediately went for divorce soon after.
I went into marriage more out of pressure from my mother who was alone after my father's death and persuasion from friends and well wishers.
I could not marry the girls I loved or liked or the girls who admired me. But I always believed whether or not you marry the person you love there must be love to keep a relationship going after marriage.
It was with this hope I invited Aswathy Visweswaran into my life. I don't know what attracted her to me and back.
To be frank our initial years were a mixture of melancholy, a little fun and no romance. Our life resembled Aravindan's art movies of yesteryears where one character speaks the other responds after a long gap!!! Ups and downs in my journalistic career only added to our cash flow worries.
We were poles apart in many things- she's an extrovert, me an introvert. She likes travel, I like reading, she likes Hindi films, I prefer music, she likes dressing up for the occassion , I wore an unkempt look- only differences!!!!
Frustration reached such highs she simply threw away the chain with the Thali and we both abandoned our wedding ring long back.
After the second year, our son Darshan came to our life and perhaps he was one reason that kept us together. A congenital hole in his heart constantly kept us on our toes. But we were determined to raise our child differently giving our quality time. Aswathy never stops telling others of the effort I took for our children so that they turn out to be creative and intelligent. May be it will help them do well in life.
So what saved our marriage? In bestseller US novel Redemption - a journalism professor enters into an extra marital affair with a beautiful student while his wife forgets herself for a day with her childhood lover but in the end realizes her true love is for her estranged husband. Extramarital relationships are no solution for a marriage in distress. Or blaming each other for our misery. Neither did we fall into depression or take to pills, alcohol or try to end life.
.
Aswathy persevered hard to make some subtle changes in me- like the value of surprises, gifts, making other feel the love rather than bottle it. I always wanted her to be a mix of boldness, beauty, practical wisdom and manage things on her own. In 2004 July when she said she wanted to start a pharmacy business rather than being employed as a pharmacist on low salary, I readily agreed.-provided all the support and encourage ment. That in no small measure boldened her personality and manage crisis situations better.
I also wanted her English skills to improve and wear Saree more. We celebrated the arrival of our cute Diyah 10 years after Darshan. She leased off her business to spend more time with Diyah and the whole family.
As we are about to celebrate our 17 years of togetherness in July, in our new abode "Mercury" in Kochi which again is a result of her labor; our success from near disaster happened just because of the foundation of love on which our relationship was built. There was never any love lost between us but may be it took time to flower and blossom.
Even now we quarrel at times but settle it as quickly as possible.
Zumba & KrishnaJyothi Group
Lot of the changes that could can now be seen in Aswathy was no doubt the Zumba (fitness/dance) sessions at The Floor run by Arunima Gupta and Maria Roy in Kochi. I have no words to thank them for the confidence they created in her. Not to forget the tremendous contribution of Krishna Jyothi group in Kochi led by KrishnaMani Ma'm, the satsangs and family get togethers that ensured positive energy flow in our family.
Recently she stunned the world cutting her hair short and sporting a more trendy look. Many wondered- did it have my approval--100 percent yes. She donated 12 inches of her silky hair for a charitable cause to make natural hair wigs for cancer patients gone bald and got herself groomed by stylist Ambika Pillai as a bonus. It was also widely covered with photos in a few newspapers. Now it's my turn to shed my unkempt looks.!!
I come back to the headline of this article: there are no secrets for a happy marriage. Remember you were born into love and that was the gift you received first from your mother. Why don't we shed our egos and misunderstanding and build happy families based on this God given 4-letter word?
Tailpiece: Recently, Aswathy told some friends and family members she would like Sreekumar to be her husband in next life too! I wonder shouldn't both of us not give our former lovers and admirers a chance?
Socrates said by all means marry, if you are successful you are happy or you become a philosopher.
Sadly,looking around I don't find happy families although they appear to be so nor do I see a swelling of philosophers!
Instead you have couples in distress, groping in the dark,not knowing why they are not happy. Still others hold on feeling grudge towards each other but also feeling trapped. They believe they made the wrong choice and keep blaming themselves.
Still others break up or live separately. There was a classic case of a couple who held on till the marriage of their children and immediately went for divorce soon after.
I went into marriage more out of pressure from my mother who was alone after my father's death and persuasion from friends and well wishers.
I could not marry the girls I loved or liked or the girls who admired me. But I always believed whether or not you marry the person you love there must be love to keep a relationship going after marriage.
It was with this hope I invited Aswathy Visweswaran into my life. I don't know what attracted her to me and back.
To be frank our initial years were a mixture of melancholy, a little fun and no romance. Our life resembled Aravindan's art movies of yesteryears where one character speaks the other responds after a long gap!!! Ups and downs in my journalistic career only added to our cash flow worries.
We were poles apart in many things- she's an extrovert, me an introvert. She likes travel, I like reading, she likes Hindi films, I prefer music, she likes dressing up for the occassion , I wore an unkempt look- only differences!!!!
Frustration reached such highs she simply threw away the chain with the Thali and we both abandoned our wedding ring long back.
After the second year, our son Darshan came to our life and perhaps he was one reason that kept us together. A congenital hole in his heart constantly kept us on our toes. But we were determined to raise our child differently giving our quality time. Aswathy never stops telling others of the effort I took for our children so that they turn out to be creative and intelligent. May be it will help them do well in life.
So what saved our marriage? In bestseller US novel Redemption - a journalism professor enters into an extra marital affair with a beautiful student while his wife forgets herself for a day with her childhood lover but in the end realizes her true love is for her estranged husband. Extramarital relationships are no solution for a marriage in distress. Or blaming each other for our misery. Neither did we fall into depression or take to pills, alcohol or try to end life.
.
Aswathy persevered hard to make some subtle changes in me- like the value of surprises, gifts, making other feel the love rather than bottle it. I always wanted her to be a mix of boldness, beauty, practical wisdom and manage things on her own. In 2004 July when she said she wanted to start a pharmacy business rather than being employed as a pharmacist on low salary, I readily agreed.-provided all the support and encourage ment. That in no small measure boldened her personality and manage crisis situations better.
As we are about to celebrate our 17 years of togetherness in July, in our new abode "Mercury" in Kochi which again is a result of her labor; our success from near disaster happened just because of the foundation of love on which our relationship was built. There was never any love lost between us but may be it took time to flower and blossom.
Even now we quarrel at times but settle it as quickly as possible.
Zumba & KrishnaJyothi Group
Lot of the changes that could can now be seen in Aswathy was no doubt the Zumba (fitness/dance) sessions at The Floor run by Arunima Gupta and Maria Roy in Kochi. I have no words to thank them for the confidence they created in her. Not to forget the tremendous contribution of Krishna Jyothi group in Kochi led by KrishnaMani Ma'm, the satsangs and family get togethers that ensured positive energy flow in our family.
Recently she stunned the world cutting her hair short and sporting a more trendy look. Many wondered- did it have my approval--100 percent yes. She donated 12 inches of her silky hair for a charitable cause to make natural hair wigs for cancer patients gone bald and got herself groomed by stylist Ambika Pillai as a bonus. It was also widely covered with photos in a few newspapers. Now it's my turn to shed my unkempt looks.!!
I come back to the headline of this article: there are no secrets for a happy marriage. Remember you were born into love and that was the gift you received first from your mother. Why don't we shed our egos and misunderstanding and build happy families based on this God given 4-letter word?
Tailpiece: Recently, Aswathy told some friends and family members she would like Sreekumar to be her husband in next life too! I wonder shouldn't both of us not give our former lovers and admirers a chance?
Great post! Thanks for sharing this useful information with us. When something bad happens in your relationship, you can consult to an astrologer. They know all the ways of making your married life happy.
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