How to Fight Anger in Public Places- on Road, Movie Theatre, Hospital

One evening I was returning with my son in our car from Mamangalam in Kochi. From Mamangalam Church we took the by-road to avoid heavy traffic at Palarivattom. As we took the narrow road,two youths in a bike were just behind trying to overtake while a few vehicles were in the opposite side denying them an opportunity. He continued to honk as if it was my duty to give way for them in a situation where there was no space. As we reached an intersection, one leading to my house and the other to Edapally, those guys overtook my car and I didn't seem to notice. But from the corner of the eye I could judge that they were trying for some verbal abuse. But since I avoided a direct look, they lost that opportunity. May be their tempers and heart rates were high leading to higher stress. But I had no reason to be victim of their stress or bad road behavior.

Previously, I used to react to such people on the road but after listening to mind re-engineering guru and author, Santosh Nambiar at a session in KITCO and after reading his book In Between Thoughts, I decided that this was not the appropriate response.

At the Movie Exit
People are eager to leave a theatre even before the closing titles of a movie appear on screen. The other day in Nedumangad, I had an experience after watching the popular movie, Njan Prakasan.Being a small theatre and with only two exits, it was taking a bit longer for people to get out. I went along my seating row towards the exit and a long queue of ladies and kids were coming from the top and one line of people going out from the centre. I thought the ladies should get priority and I was in no hurry to get out. One lady two steps behind me was urging me to interrupt the flow and get out fast as she had to go out and take her vehicle to make way for other vehicles. I purposefully ignored that request or demand. I heard her saying 'we are trapped, we can't go forward or backward'.

At the Hospital
People have lost their patience and consideration for other people and I would like to cite another example I had when I took my daughter Diyah who was sick to a nearby hospital. After seeing the doctor we were waiting at the pharmacy when a person behind me objected a lady trying to pay through a side queue. She said she stood there only because there was another person ahead of her and the counter staff was catering to both the queues even though there was only one authorised queue.The lady was not willing to admit her mistake even as several people in the main queue who had come earlier were still waiting for their turn.

Lot of stress can be taken off our lives by shutting off from anger, anxiety, unpleasant behavior of others.

Constitutional Rights and Individual Faith Should Run Parallel

Indian Constitution guarantees fundamental rights to citizens which includes the right to worship a religion of their choice. The state doesn't uphold any religion and all citizens are expected to respect and honor the right of others to worship their religion. Constitution has several articles that guarantees various rights such as freedom of speech and expression, right to equality, right to property and so on.

In recent times, the question of which is more supreme whether it is individual belief or Constitutional rights or rules has come to the forefront. Two sets of arguments have emerged- one is the rational view or the constitutional view that Constitution is all important while the other view that at least in the case of religion, the belief or the faith of the individual is of utmost significance.

Parallel View

Just as two rail lines that make a track run in parallel and don't meet, the Constitutional Right and Individual Beliefs and Faith should be allowed to run in parallel. The moment you guarantee the right to religion and also say that it is below that of the Constitutional Right you topple the entire cart. Just as the two rail lines run parallel and there is no effort to keep at a height higher than the other, the Constitutional Right and Individual faith should go parallel in a democratic system.

For one the principle of logic and rationality doesn't apply to religion. Comparing religion and Constitution is like considering natural and super natural as one or more simply put comparing apples with oranges. The communication with the Creator is a transcendental one while relationship between citizens is on the physical plane. The moment one enters a temple or religious place of worship, it is assumed that he is a devotee in communion with the Creator and until he completes the prayer and returns his or her belief over rides all else. If we bring rationality or logic into it, everything collapses.

When what is religion is also defined by the judiciary, the individual’s rights to worship religion is further restricted.  Several parallels can be found in stories or incidents narrated in one religion which can be found in others also. Some thinkers have contended that there are similarities in the story of Krishna and Lord Jesus. 

Kamsa had ordered all new born to be killed as the eighth son of Devaki and Vasudeva was slated to kill him. In the New Testament, it is said that when Lord Jesus was born in Bethlehem, Herod killed all new born children in the area, in what is known as the massacre of the the innocents. Based on a dream, Joseph took the baby Jesus to Egypt and returned only after Herod was dead. Such discussions and debates which are quite healthy over which  there is no consensus. However, it should not create intolerance to other religion or communities but only forge mutual respect.

Untouchability
There has been considerable effort by those who champion the cause of ‘renaissance’ that Sati, Child marriage, untouchability, the denial of right to enter places of worship were all part of a religious tradition. Essentially, they were social evils and they had to go. Hence it was the task of social reformers and also the colonial rulers to address such issues.

Constitution for Governance, Religion for Faith

Constitutional rights and rules are meant for the smooth governance of a country. They are subject to amendments and clarifications from time to time. The objective of religion is for the individual to find inner fulfilment, inner peace and solace. It is also to philosophically look at life from various angles- there could be many conflicting interpretations on why Rama sent Sita to the forest while she was pregnant or Krishna’s advice to fight his brethren to uphold dharma. Such stories and incidents help people ponder and discuss over many crisis and issues that we face in  daily life without being judgmental with a open heart.

For a state to prosper there has to be good governance, for which we look toward the Constitution while we need the citizens to have both material and spiritual growth for the growth of civilisation. There is no better way to ensure that unless we see constitutional rights and faith as parallels not comparable to one another.

Pareto Principle

If we apply the Pareto Principle of Welfare in economics to any judgment on religion or faith, it can be understood that it won’t stand the test because you cannot make anyone better off with making twice as many people worse off with any judgment. So why take the trouble?

                                                       

Glorified Chappal!

The salesman in the footwear shop was astonished with my demand. 'A chappal with a strong strap, strong enough not to be removed by anyone'.  It was not only that my dogs have the habit of chewing into my footwear that I wanted a strong strap.

It was only after  I watched a TV debate that I started thinking of the glory of chappals. A senior media person was seen commenting on the ISRO spy scandal in a leading TV channel,  'policemen who didn't have the qualifications to remove the strap of Nambi Narayan's chappal framed a false case against him.' Very recently, a friend of mine couldn't resist the temptation to latch on to the strong foot wear strap either. He said many junior artistes who didn't have the qualification to remove the chappal strap of super star Mohanlal were turning up against him in AMMA (Association of Malayalam Movie Artistes).

The same chappal that gets glorified when some people wear it also gets a negative connotation on other occasions. If you want to make someone a hero garland him with flowers but if you want to belittle someone or show your protest, garland him with chappals!. There is nothing more insulting than getting a slap with a slipper from an offended woman.

But chappals can also turn out to be second class citizens. In many clubs, chappals are not allowed at all. In other places they are stolen or mistakenly taken away by somebody else as in Churches, temples or outside halls or auditoriums. In school where we were supposed to wear black shoes on most days except canvas on Physical Training day, I remember teachers scolding those who wore chappals. It was meant for the bathroom.

Just as the feeling of nakedness without a dress, we feel the same without a footwear. But renowned painter M F Hussain had the courage to go bare foot to Willingdon Island in Mumbai only to be turned off. My uncle never wore a chappal until his retirement when doctors said he was suffering a skin problem in his heels.

I still can’t understand the fate of a chappal. Does it get glorified by the importance of the person who wears it or does the quality of the chappal define the person? Definitely one should assume the former is true if we recall the epic Ramayana. For Bharata refused to become King much against the wishes of his mother Kaikeyi when Rama went into exile for 14 years. He ruled as a regent of Rama keeping his Sandals on the throne.

Adultery Not a Crime, is Soliciting Directly or Through Social Media an Offence?

The Supreme Court has scrapped Section 497 of IPC that treats adultery as a criminal offence. The Court has ruled that any issues relating to extra-marital relationships in a marriage has to be settled between husband and wife either taking a forgiving attitude or divorce.

Lot of discussions and trolls are happening on this issue but one question that was raised by one of my friends in the media was whether soliciting an extra-marital relationship either directly or through social media would be considered an offence. Although I don't have a legal background, assuming my logic and common sense (quite uncommon!) proves right, I would set out the broader implications of the SC verdict for the benefit of larger section of doubting thomasses and anxious people seeking adventure!

1. Adultery is no longer considered a crime. Here it is assumed that both parties in the extra-marital affair (the different combinations- married man and unmarried woman, married man and married woman, unmarried man and married woman) enter in the relationship out of mutual liking and without any force or coercion. And most importantly, fully aware of the consequences arising out of it. You may call it anything, 'love' or 'nature's call' or whatever. So long as a third person doesn't know about it, everything is fine and provided it brings no new burden to life!

2. The second part is as my media friend asked, a man and woman know each other for a while and one of them wants to send a message across either directly or through social media that he or she needs to get closer!. Fine. Again it's only a nature's call. But either of the two have the right to refusal. If the man or the woman persists with it despite the other person showing no interest or refusing the act, then it is intimidation, harassment or abuse whatever crime you can attribute to it. In some case the male ego can be hurt, they may use the social media or other channels to defame the lady, so naturally it's harassment. Here Section 354A of IPC can be invoked.

3.It is important to note that provisions for providing protection for sexual harassment against women in IPC has not been revoked. Therefore, women continue to enjoy the protection provided by law against harassment in public places, at work or at home.

The Supreme Court has observed that Section 497 of IPC came into force due to the patriarchal nature of our society. A man who engages in an extra-marital affair is seen as machoistic while a woman who engages in it is considered 'immoral'. One doctor friend of mine once asked what is the difference between a prostitute and a woman who indulges in a sexual relationship outside of marriage? There is a huge difference. In the case of the former, she is doing it for money or a livelihood while in the latter it is out of what we have said above- 'love' or 'nature's call'. That same patriarchy principle applies when a suspecting husband starts spying on the spouse's whatsapp and even forcibly snatches away the smart phone to end it all.

Going by the amount of space and time devoted to the three-letter word, sometimes it may be right to say that mankind is more a sexual being than spiritual. A Times of India report of 2 December 2014 stated that 76% of Indian women and 61% men did not think infidelity was a sin based on a survey of over 75000 people.
No doubt  man-woman relationships is a very sensitive issue. But the sad part is that we don't seem to have better things to talk about- may be about the origin of the universe as George Bernard Shaw said when people could have more leisure, the wonders of nature, the happiness of children playing or the seas and rivers, the beautiful flowers or the trees that bloom everywhere.

( I invite readers to share their views and opinions on this topic)

What are the Qualities of Good Leader?

A primary school student asked me to help her with a topic she had to present at school- “Qualities of a Good Leader.”

Normal practice for or any parent is to look for clues by searching google and making some changes to or copying it in full. I decided to be different and came up with my own version of what makes a true leader and here it is:

India was under British and other colonial domination for more than two centuries. We could gain freedom because of the leadership qualities of our freedom fighters such as Mahatma Gandhi, Jawaharlal Nehru and Bhimrao Ambedkar. 

After Independence, we became a strong nation thanks to statesmen Sardar Vallabhai Patel, S Radhakrishnan, Nehru, Indira Gandhi, Rajiv Gandhi, A B Vajpayee and several others.

What are the qualities of a good leader?

1)      A good communicator- a good leader is able to clearly express his thoughts and ideas. It helps him build trust among his team members.

2)      A good listener – He should have good listening abilities. He should listen to their problems and make them feel important.

3)      Motivates others – a good leader motivates others and make them perform.

4)      Positive thinking- a good leader understands the problems of his team and finds solutions. He hears the opinion of his team before taking decisions.
Role Model- a good leaders should be a role model. He should be honest, courageous, should have initiative and integrity.