If you are tired of hearing the same solutions for a marriage that is going through difficult times: adjust, compromise and understand each other, I won't blame you.
For couples who are unwilling to shed their egos, it makes little sense to try these strategies. Haven't you heard, the ideal marriage would be between a deaf husband and a blind wife or something like that.
It is believed that no two individuals are alike and God made it that way. There are even differences between brothers and sisters, twin brothers and sisters born to the same parents. So how do you fit two people born and brought up in different families, socio-economic mileau or sometimes from different castes and religion to work out in real life?
I think we need to analyse the personality types to look for the right fit to happen in a marriage relationship.
1)Hardcore conventional
2)Modern
3)Eccentric
4)Perverted
Now let's find out the attributes of a hardcore conventional husband and wife:
1 a)Hardcore conventional husband: He is brought up on traditional family values and a stickler for rules and regulations. His personality expressed in Transactional analysis (Parent-Adult-Child) would be dominated by the Parent. Since his parent is dominating-he will hold onto moral values and his commandments will be do this, do that and not an inch more. He may believe in wife being subservient in all respects, also expect the wife to be 100% traditional in looks, beliefs and attitude. He may place his own family members above any one else and expect his wife and children to be like them and respect them. He may hold only coventional jobs, not a risk taker, not adventurous or romantic. He would like his wife to wash and iron his clothes,look after children, prepare food and serve them, keep the house clean. His job would be to go to office on time, return and enjoy reading a newspaper, book or simply watch TV. He may occasionaly take the family out for a film, shopping or weekend outing but again with pre-determined itinery.He may be a strict father to his children and believes in keeping family members in their proper places not giving undue freedom. In making purchases or planning something, he will still hold the upper hand although he may consult wife and children just for namesake. The conventional husband is conventional even in dressing-- he may not even wear a T-shirt or allow modern dresses to be worn by wife and children. He is likely to be a teetotler and a non-smoker.
1 b)Hardcore Conventional Wife: Like the hardcore conventional husband, the typical wife was also brought up on traditional values. No matter what you learn or achieve, you are going to end up in your husband's house obeying whatever they say. She will always remain a shadow of her husband and even if educated may not like to go for a job or because her husband's family doesn't like it. She willingly becomes part of the household and strive hard to be a good wife, mother, daughter-in-law and possibly not voice her thoughts and views for fear of being rejected or ridiculed. In transactional analysis (PAC), her Adult position may be weak and her Child was constantly directed to obey rather than question. He may not have any hobbies or interests and not likely to pursue them as she gets little time. She is expected to wear conventional dresses, hair style and make up, and obediently accompanying husband in social functions and events. Most often her role would be restricted to smiling, or saying "is it." However, in woman's company, these types may indulge in their favourite gossips to vent out their stress. After giving birth to children, they are not likely to be bothered about looks and end up rotound at the age of 40.
2 a)Modern Husband: He may have been born to parents having a modern outlook or acquired it while at college and subsequently on the job. A typical modern would have looks, manners, dressing and even attitude that reflect a global outlook. He may be member of more than a few clubs, play tennis or golf. He is most likely to be a professional in a large company or running his own business. His choice of books, music, attire and friends would reflect his modern image.Most likely to opt for an automobile even if it is beyond his immediate means but ensure that his status is maintained.It is not unlikely that he will land into financial troubles but still have a way out. His travel would criss-cross the continents of the world and would most likely have an iPad, Iphone, Mac PC and other gadgets. His children would most probably follow his traits. He would be comfortable in bermudas in the evenings. He is likely to treat children as friends and help them share their concerns at any level.
2b) Modern Wife: Like the modern husband may have been born to parents in the upper middle class income group and High Networth Individuals category. Or they may have acquired it at college and afterwards. This would be reflected in their dressing, manners, hairstyle, attitudes and beliefs, the company they keep. They will most probably be part of some ladies clubs and can often be seen in boutiques and fitness centres. They may have a professional job or run their own business independent of husband. They ride their own car and two wheeler and would most probably have independent views-- as opposed to their parents, husbands and friends. In Transactional Analysis their Adult and Child could be more activated- they are likely to be creative and innovative in business and work. Likely to see children as friends just as the dad does.
3 a) Eccentric Husband: An eccentric husband is most likely to be highly educated but hold beliefs or act in a manner which are often considered uncoventional. They may read a novel while walking on the road. They could be very creative types but dropped out of college and wear uncoventional dresses. The extreme eccentric case is that of Albert Einstein who picked up cigarette butts off the street to get tobacco for his pipe. An eccentric could avoid social gatherings and rather have a drink alone at a pub. They may read a book at the top of a tree. They would be least bothered about children and their studies but still share some fine moments with them from time to time.
"Eccentricity is often associated with genius, intellectual giftedness, or creativity. People may perceive the individual's eccentric behavior as the outward expression of their unique intelligence or creative impulse.[1] In this vein, the eccentric's habits are incomprehensible not because they are illogical or the result of madness, but because they stem from a mind so original that it cannot be conformed to societal norm" (WikiPedia)
As society sees lot of unconventional in them, they are also likely to be branded a bit mad but that is not so. Novelist Orhan Pamuk said on his eccentricity : In the mornings I used to say goodbye to my wife like someone going to work, I'd leave the house, walk around a few blocks, and come back like a person arriving at the office.
3 b) Eccentric Wife: Eccentric women have been found in the realm of arts, theatre, show business but we are not aware of eccentric women among middle class or upper middle class but such creative types are most likely to live alone but still making a lot of money from their profession. They need not necessarily come from an eccentric lineage but may have acquired it at some point in their life.
4 a) Perverted Man would see pervsion in almost anything-- a well dressed woman, a beautiful child. According to Wikipedia, perversion is a type of human behavior that deviates from that which is understood to be orthodox or normal.
It is not just related to sexuality alone but to a whole host of behavior that could have impact on social life. A perversion could be a hatred for anything produced by a foreign company. A pervision could be seeing ulterior motives in a boy and girl talking or walking together. Lot of such examples can be made out which applies to a perverted man and woman.
So what types fit in marriage
For Sure: 1a and b: Traditional vs traditional which is not likely to run into trouble but life would still be routine and without excitement.
For sure: 2a and b: A modern can't be pitted against a traditonal-there could be clashes but among modern couples differences still can crop up that needs deft handling
For Sure: Eccentric vs Eccentric is likely to succeed as both are likely to be responsive to the other. But Eccentric may not match with the modern or the traditonal.Best eg of an eccentric: Myself telling synopsis of what I have read from philosophy, religion or psychology books to put my wife Aswathy to sleep. She likes it too-- says my sound is soothing, a sleeping pill!. Or somebody like me who doesn't like his wife to serve food but keep it where it is or find happiness in her teasing me..
Unsure: Perverted people could cause havoc every where and they can't be pitted against anyone.
Aberrations: It is possible that some people may be modern when it comes to dress but traditonal when it comes to thoughts and beliefs. Similarly, there are people are traditional in looks but whose thought could be progressive or modern. It is also possible that a traditional persona can have a bit of eccentricity, so also the modern.
For couples who are unwilling to shed their egos, it makes little sense to try these strategies. Haven't you heard, the ideal marriage would be between a deaf husband and a blind wife or something like that.
It is believed that no two individuals are alike and God made it that way. There are even differences between brothers and sisters, twin brothers and sisters born to the same parents. So how do you fit two people born and brought up in different families, socio-economic mileau or sometimes from different castes and religion to work out in real life?
I think we need to analyse the personality types to look for the right fit to happen in a marriage relationship.
1)Hardcore conventional
2)Modern
3)Eccentric
4)Perverted
Now let's find out the attributes of a hardcore conventional husband and wife:
1 a)Hardcore conventional husband: He is brought up on traditional family values and a stickler for rules and regulations. His personality expressed in Transactional analysis (Parent-Adult-Child) would be dominated by the Parent. Since his parent is dominating-he will hold onto moral values and his commandments will be do this, do that and not an inch more. He may believe in wife being subservient in all respects, also expect the wife to be 100% traditional in looks, beliefs and attitude. He may place his own family members above any one else and expect his wife and children to be like them and respect them. He may hold only coventional jobs, not a risk taker, not adventurous or romantic. He would like his wife to wash and iron his clothes,look after children, prepare food and serve them, keep the house clean. His job would be to go to office on time, return and enjoy reading a newspaper, book or simply watch TV. He may occasionaly take the family out for a film, shopping or weekend outing but again with pre-determined itinery.He may be a strict father to his children and believes in keeping family members in their proper places not giving undue freedom. In making purchases or planning something, he will still hold the upper hand although he may consult wife and children just for namesake. The conventional husband is conventional even in dressing-- he may not even wear a T-shirt or allow modern dresses to be worn by wife and children. He is likely to be a teetotler and a non-smoker.
1 b)Hardcore Conventional Wife: Like the hardcore conventional husband, the typical wife was also brought up on traditional values. No matter what you learn or achieve, you are going to end up in your husband's house obeying whatever they say. She will always remain a shadow of her husband and even if educated may not like to go for a job or because her husband's family doesn't like it. She willingly becomes part of the household and strive hard to be a good wife, mother, daughter-in-law and possibly not voice her thoughts and views for fear of being rejected or ridiculed. In transactional analysis (PAC), her Adult position may be weak and her Child was constantly directed to obey rather than question. He may not have any hobbies or interests and not likely to pursue them as she gets little time. She is expected to wear conventional dresses, hair style and make up, and obediently accompanying husband in social functions and events. Most often her role would be restricted to smiling, or saying "is it." However, in woman's company, these types may indulge in their favourite gossips to vent out their stress. After giving birth to children, they are not likely to be bothered about looks and end up rotound at the age of 40.
2 a)Modern Husband: He may have been born to parents having a modern outlook or acquired it while at college and subsequently on the job. A typical modern would have looks, manners, dressing and even attitude that reflect a global outlook. He may be member of more than a few clubs, play tennis or golf. He is most likely to be a professional in a large company or running his own business. His choice of books, music, attire and friends would reflect his modern image.Most likely to opt for an automobile even if it is beyond his immediate means but ensure that his status is maintained.It is not unlikely that he will land into financial troubles but still have a way out. His travel would criss-cross the continents of the world and would most likely have an iPad, Iphone, Mac PC and other gadgets. His children would most probably follow his traits. He would be comfortable in bermudas in the evenings. He is likely to treat children as friends and help them share their concerns at any level.
2b) Modern Wife: Like the modern husband may have been born to parents in the upper middle class income group and High Networth Individuals category. Or they may have acquired it at college and afterwards. This would be reflected in their dressing, manners, hairstyle, attitudes and beliefs, the company they keep. They will most probably be part of some ladies clubs and can often be seen in boutiques and fitness centres. They may have a professional job or run their own business independent of husband. They ride their own car and two wheeler and would most probably have independent views-- as opposed to their parents, husbands and friends. In Transactional Analysis their Adult and Child could be more activated- they are likely to be creative and innovative in business and work. Likely to see children as friends just as the dad does.
3 a) Eccentric Husband: An eccentric husband is most likely to be highly educated but hold beliefs or act in a manner which are often considered uncoventional. They may read a novel while walking on the road. They could be very creative types but dropped out of college and wear uncoventional dresses. The extreme eccentric case is that of Albert Einstein who picked up cigarette butts off the street to get tobacco for his pipe. An eccentric could avoid social gatherings and rather have a drink alone at a pub. They may read a book at the top of a tree. They would be least bothered about children and their studies but still share some fine moments with them from time to time.
"Eccentricity is often associated with genius, intellectual giftedness, or creativity. People may perceive the individual's eccentric behavior as the outward expression of their unique intelligence or creative impulse.[1] In this vein, the eccentric's habits are incomprehensible not because they are illogical or the result of madness, but because they stem from a mind so original that it cannot be conformed to societal norm" (WikiPedia)
As society sees lot of unconventional in them, they are also likely to be branded a bit mad but that is not so. Novelist Orhan Pamuk said on his eccentricity : In the mornings I used to say goodbye to my wife like someone going to work, I'd leave the house, walk around a few blocks, and come back like a person arriving at the office.
3 b) Eccentric Wife: Eccentric women have been found in the realm of arts, theatre, show business but we are not aware of eccentric women among middle class or upper middle class but such creative types are most likely to live alone but still making a lot of money from their profession. They need not necessarily come from an eccentric lineage but may have acquired it at some point in their life.
4 a) Perverted Man would see pervsion in almost anything-- a well dressed woman, a beautiful child. According to Wikipedia, perversion is a type of human behavior that deviates from that which is understood to be orthodox or normal.
It is not just related to sexuality alone but to a whole host of behavior that could have impact on social life. A perversion could be a hatred for anything produced by a foreign company. A pervision could be seeing ulterior motives in a boy and girl talking or walking together. Lot of such examples can be made out which applies to a perverted man and woman.
So what types fit in marriage
For Sure: 1a and b: Traditional vs traditional which is not likely to run into trouble but life would still be routine and without excitement.
For sure: 2a and b: A modern can't be pitted against a traditonal-there could be clashes but among modern couples differences still can crop up that needs deft handling
For Sure: Eccentric vs Eccentric is likely to succeed as both are likely to be responsive to the other. But Eccentric may not match with the modern or the traditonal.Best eg of an eccentric: Myself telling synopsis of what I have read from philosophy, religion or psychology books to put my wife Aswathy to sleep. She likes it too-- says my sound is soothing, a sleeping pill!. Or somebody like me who doesn't like his wife to serve food but keep it where it is or find happiness in her teasing me..
Unsure: Perverted people could cause havoc every where and they can't be pitted against anyone.
Aberrations: It is possible that some people may be modern when it comes to dress but traditonal when it comes to thoughts and beliefs. Similarly, there are people are traditional in looks but whose thought could be progressive or modern. It is also possible that a traditional persona can have a bit of eccentricity, so also the modern.
