Psychopathy: How Men Use Sympathy to Lure Women

Charming or handsome looks, good voice, height, muscular body sometimes may not always go well with the fairer sex. But some men employ a killer strategy to lure women. They know very well sympathy can win over a woman quite easily. Whether a woman has given birth to a child or not or whether married or not they have a motherly instinct to protect and care. As such they become sympathetic to someone who opens up their mind to a crisis they are facing.

These men are either psychopaths or sociopaths, the former is more manipulative, cold-blooded the other one is hot headed and less manipulative.

Psychopaths/sociopaths who get introduced to women lock them in an emotional trap by sharing their family problems most probably about a separated wife, unfulfilled relationship and so on. The intention of such person could vary from having sex, getting money or manipulate the behaviour of the woman. They may have attractive traits such as good voice and also good at texting on Whatsapp or Messenger.

Once the relationship strengthens they use various manipulative tactics to destroy the mental peace of the woman. It could be ignoring messages, putting conditions for the relationship to progress such as severing relationship with other boyfriends and insisting on meeting often.  They are capable of maintaining relationship with several women at a time without any of them knowing about the other.

Such relationship can occur between a boss and subordinate, colleagues, or casual acquaintances developing into a relationship. Once the woman starts objecting to his conditions, he may threaten to quit or suggest the same to her. But since she is emotionally trapped, he very well knows it will not happen all of a sudden. Such psychopaths are suspicious of their lovers and keep track of their movements and social media activity.

Most often psychopaths/sociopaths get away from any punishment because their victims can’t expose them easily. They also belittle their wife making them feel small and lack empathy or emotion.

How to Escape from a Psychopath
Many victims ask themselves how I fell for this man. The fact is that they are helpless and feel guilty for being in such a relationship. Whenever she thinks of him, he appears as a thorn in their mind.  And it is not easy to easily forget him and there may be temptation to meet him again or text him.

But it is not entirely impossible to get out of such a relationship. First and foremost is not to feel guilty for having fallen into a relationship. If possible seek counselling or talk to friends, engage in new activities or challenges and soon the thorn in your mind will start disintegrating.

Despite the fact that psychopaths/sociopaths may be silently creating stress in the minds of hapless women victims, the society at large is not able to grapple with the phenomenon,

However, there are certain precautions that women can take in a relationship.

If the man tries to focus more on his family crisis or that of his spouse, better take guard. Normally, men don't open up to even close friends with their family problems so if they are opening up within days of getting introduced to each other, better be cautious.

For a better understanding of Psychopath and Sociopath- here is a link: http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/sociopath-psychopath-difference#1

(Comments, Suggestions or queries may be posted here or mailed to sreekumsree@gmail.com)

Are Mollywood Superstars Mammooty and Mohanlal Misogynistic?

Following the attack on the leading Malayalam actress by a gang in Kochi  led by her former car driver, the Mollywood film industry have unitedly condemned the attack and expressed support and solidarity for the actor. Leading stars Mammooty, Mohanlal, Manju Warrier described the incident as unfortunate and said the culprits should be brought before law.

Meanwhile, my friend G Pramod Kumar, a senior journalist shared an article he wrote sometime back in Huffington Post criticising the misogynistic roles portrayed by our superstars Mammooty and Mohanal.  He especially refers to Kerala State Women’s Commission serving notice to Mammooty for his insulting dialogues in the movie Kasaba.  He notes that many of the roles done by Mohanlal and Mammooty denigrated women and hence it was sheer hypocrisy now that they were crying over the assault on the actress.

Mammooty in Kasaba

The Artist and the Individual
Superstars have dual identities before us- one is the roles they play on the screen and the other is their real personality. Most of us have only access to the screen identity and not to their real identity except through interviews in TV, newspapers and magazines when they reveal their views on life, family etc.

There is no reason to believe that superstar Mammooty or Mohanlal share the same attitudes towards women as the characters they depict on screen. In public life, they have been seen to behave responsibly. We shouldn’t confuse their screen identity with their real identity.

The role dialogues, attitudes of a character in a story are all created by film makers to appeal to the audience and also with an eye on the box office. No film is made to make it a loss for the producer.  If the superstar plays the role of a goonda, or a rapist or a corrupt politician he needs to do justice to the role. In such cases, the actors become successful when people hate the character in the movie.

All the films that Mammooty acted in misogynistic ways were cleared by the Censor Board who are the gate keepers in the film industry.  They are bound to examine the moral, ethical and social implications of a movie before clearing them for viewing by the public. Now films display statutory warning messages on screen whenever a scene showing smoking or drinking is displayed. This is to tell the audience that the film is not being produced to promote smoking or alcohol use.

The commercial side of cinema and attitude of society

The cinema has a commercial element and an artistic element to it. Considering the huge cost in involved in its production most often the commercial weighs more than the ethical, moral or artistic dimensions. However, that doesn’t deter Mammooty or Mohanlal fans to keep rushing every time a new movie of theirs is released.

Secondly, we must not forget the fact that women from different walks of life are harassed in Kerala not necessarily physically but by words, gestures, looks and unwanted gossip to malign. Mollyood films partly are a reflection of this attitude and there is nothing alarming about it.

First and foremost we must stop taking double standards in society—what is applicable to men is not so for women. Men and women are not equal but unique in their own ways-each having their strengths and weaknesses. Once we realise this much of the problems that we see around will disappear and perhaps the dream of women travelling safely anywhere at any time can become a reality. Where this should this learning begin- at home, at school, at workplace….?

Tailpiece
There is lot of talk about revealing the identity of the leading actress who was assaulted in Kochi. However, what was quite painful was the way Times of India reported the incident as rape. How could they sit in judgement on the issue just because police had registered a case against the culprits quoting sections of the law which is against rape. Ultimately, the choice of news, articles in newspapers, news, visuals on television and themes for film are guided by popular appeal and commercial interests. Sometimes, sensationalism can go to extremes flouting all media ethics. After all they also need to sell and be ahead of their competition.

Decline of Nair dominance in education institutions in Kerala

The agitation by students in an academic institution teaching law in Thiruvananthapuram, the capital city of Kerala is entering its fourth week. Student organisations have pointed out several anamolies in the functioning of this premier private law college in Kerala. The institution run by Nairs- Lekshmi Nair, cookery show celebrity,  the principal and its founder is her father Narayanan Nair who headed the institution for a long time. His brother Koliakode Krishnan Nair is a CPM leader.

However, Kerala Law Academy Law Collge, an autonomous institution has nothing to do with the Nair Service Society (NSS) founded by the freedom fighter and visionary Mannathu Padmanabhan. They have a large number of educational institutions from primary school to engineering, medical, arts and science colleges and hospitals in the State.

The NSS was started in 1914 with the objective of uplifting the Nair community that was facing a crisis due to outmoded customs, beliefs  and loss of their supremacy in land ownership due to lack of hard work and education. Nairs were the warrior tribe in erstwhile Travancore and they occupied high positions in administration. Some Nair families by virtue of their land holdings also kept slaves. . Their extravagant life style, ceremonies and lack of education contributed to their decline.

The classic work, The Decline of Nair Dominance: Society and Politics in Travancore 1847-1908 by Robin Jeffrey gives a description of the changes that occurred to the Nair community during this period.

Meanwhile, the Kerala politics witnessed the dominance of caste in elections since late 1940’s before the formation of Kerala State along linguistic lines. The early dominance of Nair community gradually gave equal way to Ezhavas, Christians and later Muslims who continue to have pockets of influence. NSS sometimes maintained a principle of equi-distance from the CPM-led Left Democratic Front and Congress-led United Democratic Front (UDF).

Apart from government institutions, private aided, unaided schools and colleges set up by NSS, Ezhava community, Christians and Muslims have played a stellar role in creating more educational opportunities in the state.

However, in terms of quality of education and training imparted, the Christian institutions seems to have scored over others although in terms of infrastructure NSS. Ezhava and Muslim institutions were equally good.

Having studied for two years in an NSS institution and later in government institutions, I realised the vast difference in standards between the two. Also the better scoring students tended to seek admission to institutions run by Christian organisations.  Examination results also reflected the quality of education provided by NSS institutions. The teachers were recruited more on their financial ability rather than merit.

The Law Academy Crisis

The Law Academy was started in the late 1960’s as a society with the blessings of the CPM led government at that time. However, in due course, it became a private institution with no control of the government except an affiliation with the Kerala University.

The irregularities in the functioning of the Law Academy was known to people in the capital city and I remember in my college days, meritorious candidates usually sought admission to Government Law College while average or lesser performers got into Law Academy.

It was N Narendran covering the education beat for The Indian Express who first chronicled the irregularities in the Academy but no political party or the University took any steps to correct the anamolies in its functioning. The notable alumni list of the institute includes politicians, journalists, magistrates, government pleaders, advocates and therefore nobody took up the issue. No other media organisations seem to have followed up Narendran’s story either.

The Academy also didn’t take any step to improve their functioning and expressed their ire over Narendran’s reports. They didn’t keep ownership and management of the Academy separate. This led Lakshmi Nair, daughter of the founder taking over the reins of Principal of the institution. Serious allegations have been raised against her including calling a Dalit by his caste name apart from showing favouritism in internal assessment for some students.

Although run by Nairs, the Law Academy has nothing to do with NSS but at the height of the crisis, they were reported to have approached NSS leadership to seek their support.

The NSS institutions seem to be requiring a good dose of professionalism just as Mannathu Padmanabhan exhorted the Nair community in early 1900’s to come out of their shells and work hard to be in the forefront.