Psychopathy: How Men Use Sympathy to Lure Women

Charming or handsome looks, good voice, height, muscular body sometimes may not always go well with the fairer sex. But some men employ a killer strategy to lure women. They know very well sympathy can win over a woman quite easily. Whether a woman has given birth to a child or not or whether married or not they have a motherly instinct to protect and care. As such they become sympathetic to someone who opens up their mind to a crisis they are facing.

These men are either psychopaths or sociopaths, the former is more manipulative, cold-blooded the other one is hot headed and less manipulative.

Psychopaths/sociopaths who get introduced to women lock them in an emotional trap by sharing their family problems most probably about a separated wife, unfulfilled relationship and so on. The intention of such person could vary from having sex, getting money or manipulate the behaviour of the woman. They may have attractive traits such as good voice and also good at texting on Whatsapp or Messenger.

Once the relationship strengthens they use various manipulative tactics to destroy the mental peace of the woman. It could be ignoring messages, putting conditions for the relationship to progress such as severing relationship with other boyfriends and insisting on meeting often.  They are capable of maintaining relationship with several women at a time without any of them knowing about the other.

Such relationship can occur between a boss and subordinate, colleagues, or casual acquaintances developing into a relationship. Once the woman starts objecting to his conditions, he may threaten to quit or suggest the same to her. But since she is emotionally trapped, he very well knows it will not happen all of a sudden. Such psychopaths are suspicious of their lovers and keep track of their movements and social media activity.

Most often psychopaths/sociopaths get away from any punishment because their victims can’t expose them easily. They also belittle their wife making them feel small and lack empathy or emotion.

How to Escape from a Psychopath
Many victims ask themselves how I fell for this man. The fact is that they are helpless and feel guilty for being in such a relationship. Whenever she thinks of him, he appears as a thorn in their mind.  And it is not easy to easily forget him and there may be temptation to meet him again or text him.

But it is not entirely impossible to get out of such a relationship. First and foremost is not to feel guilty for having fallen into a relationship. If possible seek counselling or talk to friends, engage in new activities or challenges and soon the thorn in your mind will start disintegrating.

Despite the fact that psychopaths/sociopaths may be silently creating stress in the minds of hapless women victims, the society at large is not able to grapple with the phenomenon,

However, there are certain precautions that women can take in a relationship.

If the man tries to focus more on his family crisis or that of his spouse, better take guard. Normally, men don't open up to even close friends with their family problems so if they are opening up within days of getting introduced to each other, better be cautious.

For a better understanding of Psychopath and Sociopath- here is a link: http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/sociopath-psychopath-difference#1

(Comments, Suggestions or queries may be posted here or mailed to sreekumsree@gmail.com)

Why men fall into love, an exploration into its mysteries

I had written in an earlier blog post that I never believed in marriage. But much before that I was afraid of falling in love! I had a philosopher friend in Ajith during our PG days at Kerala University. He often quoted Osho Rajneesh and other gurus and said falling in love is like catching the tail of a leopard- you suffer even if you hold it or leave it. When you fall in love- if you marry then you still run into trouble or if you don't you suffer the pangs of separation.

In college days, I always delighted in watching pretty girls and wished some of them admired me but never wanted to fall in love. Yet, it was amusing to watch friends and classmates falling in love. Despite my best efforts, I couldn't escape that experience and suffered on that count for at least a few months when I knew it will not work out.

Is there any reason for men falling in love and what really happens after that? The phenomenon of love is still a mystery for many and literature, art,films,drama all explore various aspects of it and it never ends because there is an aura of mystery surrounding it every one may not grasp.

There is a biological reason behind it: Unless a man and woman fall in love and decide to stay together, there will not be offsprings and mankind will not sustain. Anthropologically speaking, the sustenance of mankind was related to the ability of people to fall in love and maintain a family life. Scientists say that a hormone called oxytocin is produced when two people fall in love- even gazing at some one can release this hormone or thinking about them. That is why couples who can't get intimate are given doses of synthetically produced oxytocin to stimulte the brain into falling in love.

So the next time you blame some one for falling into love, remember it is the powerful hormone oxytocin, a neuro transmitter in the brain that is doing the trick. Research into love has generated very interesting insights in this area:

- Men are naturally attracted to pretty women because they find in them a potential to give birth to a beautiful off spring.

-I remember an interesting cover story in Mirror magazine published from Mumbai (now closed down) long time back titled- Should you marry a pretty woman? It said probability of failures in marriage are more in pretty women than average women. I think it works this way- if the man who has married the pretty women is low in self esteem and turns out to be a bad partner- chances are that there are several others in line waiting to grab the treasure! A low self esteemed person is also likely to be more possessive and hence cause marital problems. It could happen in the case of a handsome man and an average woman also.

- It is also said that man can't hide the fact that they are in love: either they start singing, or show visible changes in body language, appearance or even announce unknowingly to those close to them. Here again, anthropology provides some clues: From ancient times, man's status was dependent on attracting the opposite sex and the fairer the better - this boosts his self esteem among his peers and establishes his masculinity. On the other hand women then and now had to be careful not to announce such things until it can be formalised. These days man need not show this kind of masculinity but may be it's a vestige of our hunter-gatherer days.

-Are Indians sex thirsty? I remember reading a provoking cover story in Sunday magazine long time back which said Indian men whether married or not were sex thirsty. There are several reasons why it could be true although the story evoked mixed response from the readers at that time. We are not a permissive society as in the west and hence it is quite natural for men to look for pleasures beyond their wives. Aligned to this is the question whether there can be platonic relationship between a man and women devoid of sex? There are still no clear answers to this- a woman still need to guess when a man shows closeness- whether it's intended for physical needs or just for friendship. That's one reason why daughters right from high school levels are often told to be cautious while dealing with the opposite sex.

- Is there an age to fall in love: Again there are no minimum or maximum age limits. I remember a friend of mine at school falling in love in fifth grade (10 years) with his classmate, sustaining it till college and eventually marrying and now possibly leading a happy life. On the other hand you can also find people like Digvijay Singh, an Indian minister falling in love with a much younger woman at the age of 67. And he has been charged with adultery.

- Love triangles and extra-marital affairs: Films, novels, dramas have all dealt with this theme in various ways that I don't want to analyse it here. However, marriage as an institution is a human creation and in pre-historic times it was likely that couples had multiple partners but as evolutionary changes took place for better upkeep of offspring, their growth and development- mankind had to stick to single partners and it has been legalised in many countries. But the urge to move out of the boundary and explore can't be contained that easily. It accentuates when either partner feels an inadequacy in the relationship and soon all problems begin to crop up. That's why psychologists say it's very important to retain romance.

- The jilted lovers: Again literature and cinema abounds in this- some times jilted lovers remain chronic bachelors all their suffering the pangs of a dream that didn't turn out to be true. Others who marry someone else also retain memories of their old sweet hearts that continue to haunt them. I remember several films where the dejected lover sings a song as his former sweet heart goes off with the bride groom after the wedding function.But the better option is for the dejected lover to be far away so that memories aren't evoked and make his present married life miserable.

As I have said before in my blog, Bhagwan Rajneesh has likened love to the ultimate Truth. When two people fall in love- that's truth, but thereafter when they start thinking in terms of marriage,caste-religion problems, live-in relationships or start getting worried on parental approval-reality sets in.
Often it is painfall for both the partners. Wishing all luck to lovers!