Psychopathy: How Men Use Sympathy to Lure Women

Charming or handsome looks, good voice, height, muscular body sometimes may not always go well with the fairer sex. But some men employ a killer strategy to lure women. They know very well sympathy can win over a woman quite easily. Whether a woman has given birth to a child or not or whether married or not they have a motherly instinct to protect and care. As such they become sympathetic to someone who opens up their mind to a crisis they are facing.

These men are either psychopaths or sociopaths, the former is more manipulative, cold-blooded the other one is hot headed and less manipulative.

Psychopaths/sociopaths who get introduced to women lock them in an emotional trap by sharing their family problems most probably about a separated wife, unfulfilled relationship and so on. The intention of such person could vary from having sex, getting money or manipulate the behaviour of the woman. They may have attractive traits such as good voice and also good at texting on Whatsapp or Messenger.

Once the relationship strengthens they use various manipulative tactics to destroy the mental peace of the woman. It could be ignoring messages, putting conditions for the relationship to progress such as severing relationship with other boyfriends and insisting on meeting often.  They are capable of maintaining relationship with several women at a time without any of them knowing about the other.

Such relationship can occur between a boss and subordinate, colleagues, or casual acquaintances developing into a relationship. Once the woman starts objecting to his conditions, he may threaten to quit or suggest the same to her. But since she is emotionally trapped, he very well knows it will not happen all of a sudden. Such psychopaths are suspicious of their lovers and keep track of their movements and social media activity.

Most often psychopaths/sociopaths get away from any punishment because their victims can’t expose them easily. They also belittle their wife making them feel small and lack empathy or emotion.

How to Escape from a Psychopath
Many victims ask themselves how I fell for this man. The fact is that they are helpless and feel guilty for being in such a relationship. Whenever she thinks of him, he appears as a thorn in their mind.  And it is not easy to easily forget him and there may be temptation to meet him again or text him.

But it is not entirely impossible to get out of such a relationship. First and foremost is not to feel guilty for having fallen into a relationship. If possible seek counselling or talk to friends, engage in new activities or challenges and soon the thorn in your mind will start disintegrating.

Despite the fact that psychopaths/sociopaths may be silently creating stress in the minds of hapless women victims, the society at large is not able to grapple with the phenomenon,

However, there are certain precautions that women can take in a relationship.

If the man tries to focus more on his family crisis or that of his spouse, better take guard. Normally, men don't open up to even close friends with their family problems so if they are opening up within days of getting introduced to each other, better be cautious.

For a better understanding of Psychopath and Sociopath- here is a link: http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/sociopath-psychopath-difference#1

(Comments, Suggestions or queries may be posted here or mailed to sreekumsree@gmail.com)

Women and Sex remain the best sellers ever

Recently, accusations were made against senior political leaders in the South Indian state of Kerala of having received sexual favours in turn for granting solar projects. It included the Chief Minister Oomen Chandy, ministers Shibu Baby John, AP Anil Kumar and  legislator Haibi Eden. Saritha S Nair who is at the heart of the controversy denied the allegations made by her former business partner Biju Radhakrishnan before the Solar Panel investigating into the scam that rocked Kerala.

Kiss of Love
The couples who created a storm last year with the Kiss of Love campaign asserting their right to kiss in public and protest against moral policing have now been arrested for child sex trafficking and an online sex racket. Resmi S Nair, a model pointed out that after the fallout of the Kiss of Love campaign, she was being used by her husband to indulge in various sex rackets.

Sex & Women sell
Naturally, enough  the social media, whatsapp, electronic and print media immediately carry and share such stories with prominence because ultimately se and women sell better. In this backdrop, I saw a sensible post from Manu Kappan, my friend, in Face Book.

Here I quote Manu :

Kiss of Love, Prostitution and Moral Policing
Kiss of Love : 10 participants and 1 million spectators and I belong to neither and I can’t be bothered.

Prostituition : Its the oldest profession in the world and will exist as long as the world does. As long as the parties involved are consenting adults, none of my business.

Moral Policing : To put it crudely “morality flows out when someone is not getting it” or simply its a case of sour grapes. When I read the comments of certain people on social media, the only things I can see are sexual depravation and cultural poverty. For them women can never be persons with mind and emotions, but only body parts. The main reason for this cultural poverty is that they lived in a segregated society and only leered at women from a distance. The only thing I want to tell you people is that the minds of the younger generation who grow up mingling with each other are nowhere as dirty as yours.

I agree with some of the observations of Manu but not all. That concerns prostitution and position women occupy in Indian society. I have read the autobiography of some eminent men like distinguished diplomat KPS Menon who himself admits to having gone before marriage for one such adventure to get a feel of it.  I can’t understand how someone can be put to such hardship either because men and even boys need to get a taste of sex first before marriage or want to have a different feel  sharing bed with their wives . It is hard to believe that these women chose the profession willingly. Or is the society thinking how painful or drudgery it could be to undress before several men in their lives without a feeling of love?

And despite the huge market for prostitutes women and girls who lead normal lives are also targeted and Nirbhaya of Delhi, ‘Suryanelli’ girl in Kerala who continue to be harassed but non-sexually are all grim reminders of this.

The other day, I was discussing with a friend- Indian cannot improve if it refuses to change its attitude to women. We have a national pledge that says  India is our country. All Indians are my brothers and sisters. And After all a boy or a girl, all come from a women’s womb, conceived taken care and delivered with much pain and risk. Anthropologically, speaking human child birth appears more riskier than others in the animal kingdom because our bi-pedal posture. Hence we should be grateful we were born in the first place. How come that we are not able to make our girls bold, get boys to respect them and acknowledge that they too should be granted liberty just as men?

Sex should be seen as an intimate, consensual affair between two closely known people and which should not be discussed with others. However, when there is an element of force is involved and against the wishes of the woman- that’s when the law has to intervene. However, men are still free to rape their wives, as per a recent court order!

Here is my wish list with respect to women & sex
Decades ago I remmber Sunday magazine carrying a cover story on sex starved Indians. However, with economic growth and perhaps the influence of media, men-women relations have become more liberal & a bit permissive. However, the society continues to grapple with the man-women relationship issue and how it should be defined.

In this backdrop, here is my wishlist on how our attitude to women, girls and sex in general can be changed:

1) People should stop discussing about sex openly or giving undue importance for it in the media.
2) Boys need to be taught at a young age to respect girls and women. They are not objects to be pounced upon,  nudged, beaten or harassed.
3) An effort has to be made to reduce and do away with prostitution. It’s true that many women and girls who were rescued tend to return may be because their minds have become empty enough to think about any other worthwhile profession.
4) Those using social media should ensure that they don’t share or spread pictures, stories that demean women.

(I have published this blog deliberately with out pictures as I don't to want to attract any reader attention based on the graphics or pictures)

Animal instinct in Rape-is it real?

There is a belief that animal instincts are base and man has evolved into higher realms of thought and spiritual thinking. Is there any basis for condemning rape as animal instinct and branding it in-human? Is there any evidence to show a male lion will pounce on the female without its consent or for that matter a dog. Zoologists have observed animals do have mating seasons when they tend to become aggressive. That's the time when males fight it out with each other to secure the company of females and not to hurt them.

On the other hand homo sapiens do not have a particular mating season and is fertile throughout the year.
I believe there are reasons to conclude rape is more a manly instinct and is not unique to animals. In many societies, there are not many opportunities for boys and girls to develop good friendship at a young age. We still have 'boys only' and 'girls only' school and even in co-ed schools like the one I studied, a boy talking talking to a girl was most often a taboo.

In the absence of healthy friendships between the sexes, both boys and girls could be overly influenced by half-baked knowledge of peers, pornographic books and videos, come to accept what ever is shared between friends. And they don't discuss this with knowledgeable persons or counsellors to verify whether what they have heard because that culture is alien to us.

If there are large number of rapes still happening after the Delhi incident and consequent punishment of offenders, there is something basically wrong with the way woman are seen and respected in Indian society.

That's why Amanda found it easier to travel alone in Pakistan than India or Bangladesh. In Indian buses, a woman is ever under threat of creeping fingers and lewd looks.(A House in the Sky by Amanda Lindhout, global adventures of a lady backpacker tourist)

I feel women and men do have their unique strengths and weaknesses. Strict laws alone can't prevent rapes- in Gulf countries the genitals of rapists are cut off in public and in the presence of the victim and in most cases in India-life imprisonment to death penalty awaits the sinners.

A more humane approach to healthier relationships would require a radical change in our thoughts and outlook. Boys should be told to have respect for girls-their feelings, security and independence. Girls should be made more bold and be ready to fight any attack on themselves and more importantly work towards healthier relationships in marriage.

If women are seen as mere sex objects, who's to be blamed? Man, provocative women or a male chauvinistic society. Can't we make women both bold and beautiful?

Tailpiece
A large number of rapes happen within marriages and victims are unable to speak out. Recently, the Delhi High Court ruled that there is no question of rape in a legitimised relationship and hence it won't entertain such cases. May be the court felt there could be an enormity of such cases and hence didn't want to put further strains on judiciary.