How to fight Obesity among kids?

If you randomly look at the kids coming out of school buses in any city, you are likely to find more oversized girls and boys in skirts and shorts than normal ones. Dr Abraham Paul, a renowned paediatrician in Kochi warns that rising obesity poses huge health risks later on in life including cardiovascular disease, diabetes and other life style diseases. In a recent interaction titled 'Know Your Child' with parents of Rajagiri Public School, he underscored the need to be vigilant against health hazards, learning disorders and inability to adjust with daily challenges that growing kids may face in the modern era.

I remember in my childhood days after a hard days study at school, we would come home, have some thing to eat and then straight away go to play—it could be badminton, cricket, kho-kho, or a game called ‘seventies’ or just run around catching each other. All the fancy fried foods now available in bakeries and super markets were unheard of those days. Obesity at that time may have been confined to less than five percent of the kids and that too because of genetic or hereditary factors than lack of physical activity.

Dr Abraham K Paul said that colas, samosas, burgers, fried foods, biscuits are all high calorie stuff that require heavy physical exercise to burn it out. For example, a samosa may require one hour cycling to burn the energy generated while 3 biscuits at a time would require one hour of swimming to neutralize it.

Good food habits: Start Early
Dr Abraham Paul warns that undesirable food habits are learned from early childhood when parents try to force feed a child who refuses to eat. He advises parents to introduce vegetables, fruits and cereals at the age of nine months to one year. A child may not agree to eating fruits or vegetables at higher ages say, five, seven or ten if he or she hasn’t introduced to such food by the age of one. Parents have a tendency to force feed a child who refuses to eat there by creating stress. Slowly, the child learns to eat whenever it is stressed, thereby causing fat build up in the body.

In infant years, parents have a tendency to grind five or six food items into a paste and then push it in their throat. This will only lead to the child not getting a sense of taste for food and ability to chew food properly.

The rapid decline of play area, more emphasis on class room learning, more time in front of television while munching fried snacks all add to the unnecessary fat build up in kids, according to Dr Abraham Paul.  He suggests schools should provide four hours of physical activity every week and they should maintain a height, weight chart and look for obesity signals in children to initiate remedial action.

In many play schools and kindergarten, milk and biscuits are provided as snacks during first break in the morning and in the afternoon. This becomes habit forming and lead to fondness for refined food which are unhealthy because of preservatives, oil content and fat.

My daughter Diyah had the habit of asking for biscuits every day and now I told her about Dr Abraham Paul’s advice and atleast for a day she didn’t ask for new biscuits. We are not sure when she goes to another house, she may be offered biscuits and might eat.

The Solution
In the absence of play area and physical activity, kids can be prevented from becoming obese by avoiding calorie rich junk food and reduce TV watching. They could also be provided opportunities in indoor play, learning music, encouraging reading and so on.

Let’s not make  promising citizens of tomorrow end up popping pills, using insulin or going for early cardiac surgeries. Time to act is NOW.
(Please mail your suggestions/comments to sreekumsree@gmail.com or post it here itself)

Father as a proactive parent

When it comes to marriage and parenting there are always lots of issues to be discussed in the media and in open forums but no consensus probably emerges. The traditional view was that husband would bring all the money needed for the family by going out for work while the wife would look after the household and children.

With nuclear families consisting of father, mother and maximum two to three children becoming the norm and wife also becoming a bread-earner, the need for the father to take a proactive rather than a passive role in parenting has emerged.

Women are seen to be good at multi-tasking -managing the children, household work, job or business, and also look after husband’s requirements.  In some families, the father assumes no role in supporting children’s studies, their physical and emotional needs as it is considered the domain of the mother. In some cases, his busy job schedule or business is cited as a reason for the passive role taken by the father.

Both Father and Mother are role models
I remember my childhood days. I looked upon my father, a state government employee,  as a role model in the meticulous way he drafted letters, handled office files, helped someone who was finding it difficult to get the work done from his office, as was his punctuality. Whatever, his other shortcomings, I imbibed an important lesson regarding work. Even now as I write and complete an article, I verify it a few times for spelling, grammatical errors before sending it for publication or uploading in my blog. If I am too tired, I get it done by someone else.

Likewise, I admired my mother (also a government official) for juggling life between office, home and sometimes hospital when my father used to be admitted for heart ailments as was her ability to manage people to get things done. Our parents are also human and also not perfect having their own shortcomings but we tend to ignore them and get inspired by the positive qualities they possessed.

This goes on to prove that children are watching each of our activity very closely than we assume.  Therefore, how we behave with our colleagues, friends, neighbours, relatives and how we regard our work and business all have a bearing on the development of the personality of the child. I remember, in Rajagiri  Public School in Kochi where my daughter studies, I have been an active member of Parent Teacher Association (PTA) for the past three years. But most parents are unwilling to volunteer for any activity citing either lack of time or inability to take any responsibility. Then the management and teachers naturally ask a very pertinent question:  You want your children to take leadership roles, be outstanding and successful in school and career. But by not taking a leadership role when an opportunity comes right in front of you, are you giving the right message to your children?

Husband is your partner, not boss

Recently, my wife Aswathy reminded me when we quaraled , “Hey, you are not my boss but an equal partner in a relationship. “ I realized it was quite true. (The fact is that we are really good friends, that’s another story!)

Traditional view still having some religious approval is that husband should be considered the boss and wife the subordinate. The other day I attended the wedding of my neighbor in a church in Kochi belonging to Latin Catholic. There the priest said the wife would serve the husband and he shall always love her. And the children born to them should be seen as God’s children.

You might have heard of Kahlil Gibran’s famous quote repeated across the world by speakers and writers : Your Children are not your Children. They are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself. .. they  come through you, but not from you. And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts…..

If we see children as life’s continuum happening through us for a noble cause, we would treat our children differently than if we considered it as our own property.

Family,the basic unit

Family is the basic unit in society- our first friend, supporters, teachers and philosophers are all our parents. Happy families are built on the foundation of happy marriages based on unconditional love, understanding and mutual trust.  If the husband is seen constantly ridiculing or critcising his wife in front of their children, it will have negative impact on them.

The purpose of elaborate arrangements for marriage in Churches in Christian, Muslim marriages, or solemnized by the community in the case of Hindus, is to instill the importance of marriage and how to keep the relationship divine among the couples. It is through their union, new offsprings are born and subsequently inherit their wealth and wisdom.

Even while respecting the sermons in Churches or differing views religion may have on marriages. I personally think the modern paradigm of an equal partner relationship in marriage would be more appropriate. If couples are aware of their equal roles in all aspects related to marriage including children, finances, savings, managing household matters, it would put equal responsibility on both the partners to make the relationship work.

Happy families in turn lead to happy children and who go on to become responsible citizens.

(The author, an award winning media professional, is happily married to Aswathy, a pharmacist turned Zumba fitness professional and they have two kids-Darshan  (16) and Diyah (7))

Little things that can make or mar a marriage relationship!

I have always curiously observed couples quarrel for reasons most often trivial to  mild and end up not speaking to each other days. This defies logic but after all marriage itself is most of the time devoid of it.

This is the third in the series on my outlook on marriage and how difficult it is make it a success. As someone who never believed in marriage as an institution, my continuing observations about family life from different angles : one, as a family man, second, as an observer and thirdly as how others see it , will be shared with readers.

I think in one of Tolstoys's books it is mentioned that in quarrelling truth is always lost. However, quarrels are part of every day life- the trick lies in managing them.

Here are few of the little things that work against a good relationship developing between couples:

Tit-for-Tat: It is a human tendency to pay in the same coin. This happens with couples too-- if the husband fails to give due respect and properly take care of a wife's in-laws or relatives, wife retaliates the same way. Or if the husband was expected at a house for a particular function of  his spouse's relative but didn't turn up, the wife may retaliate by refusing to attend a function of a husband's relative or friend. This revengeful attitude doesn't often improve relationships but only worsens it.

Politicking: When it involves two families of husband and wife, politicking is inevitable. Whatever, husband's family does or a particular person does may be dubbed by the wife as unacceptable and vice-versa. Sometimes, when husband-wife are not in good terms, a good suggestion or idea that comes from either of them don't get accepted mutually and hence progress in the relationship gets increasingly difficult. I have seen good friends whose families knew each other well, getting married but ultimately ending up playing petty politics refusing to do anything to help their 'inlaws'  or understand them. Even their earlier 'aunty' - uncle relationship itself gets strained.

When In-laws become Outlaws: When you marry each spouse ends up with a set of in-laws- father-in-law, mother-in-law their brothers, sisters, and friends. Most often how each spouse treats their respective inlaws can make or mar a relationship. I have seen wives who refuse to go and stay in their in-laws house and vice-versa but it is possible that in-laws could themselves be a reason for that. Their undue interference in the marriage, stoking fire to a strained relationship rather than healing them. When a marriage runs into trouble, it is natural for wife's parents to justify her behaviour while husband's parents stand by him. This can just kill any opportunity to build bridges between the two families.

Many working couples are forced to seek the help of their parents to look after children due to difficulty in getting good maid servants. But this can create lot of strife as there could be clash on parent's traditional way of bringing up children and the more forward looking approach of their children. Interference in day-to-day life by the inlaws can create such a hell, that I've seen some of them being 'out-lawed' and sent back home.

Opening Old wounds: In a relationship, it is possible that a husband might have behaved or done something bad to his wife, their relatives and vice versa. Sometimes they settle it and continue as if nothing has happened. But when trouble erupts, they replay'historic' events once again much to the dismay of each of the partners. "Didn't you do this to me 5 years ago, you have always been like this, hurting me, belittling me in front of others." Now the trouble is apart from the new cause that created the new tension, one of the partners poked the other recalling the forgotten incident. It is like pouring oil over burning fire.

Blame Game: When a relationship runs into trouble, wife creates arguments justifying her stand, how she has been a victim all these years in the hands of this cruel husband and his family! While the husband accusses her of cleverly stating facts to win sympathy and line up popular discontent against him. Even when they sit before a counsellor, wife would be happy if the counsellor speaks in support of her. The moment the counsellor puts a set of suggestions for her to change, she gets upset. The same can happen in the case of husband also. In the end both come out of the consulting room unanimously blaming the psychologist as useless and good for nothing. Even as they unite in blaming the counsellor their mutual blame game against each other continues.

KidShare: The traditional mindset of the society was that a lion's share of brining up children should rest with the wife-- who looks after the physical, emotional, academic needs of children. Husband's role was limited to earning for the family, taking them out occassionaly, playing with children and scold or whack them when required. For the children should have a fear of parental authority. However, 'new age' parenting requires husband also to a play an active role in bringing up children so that they see in him as a role model. I think not many men are yet to accept this new role being caught in the traditional mindset. This again can cause tensions if the wife has seen a father in their circle taking an active role in bringing up children.

Independence: Spouses often quarrel about loss of independence in marriage. This is quite inevitable but what they are hinting at is the desire for each of them to pursue their interests and maintain former friendships. For eg. if the husband is a former cricket player and has lot of friends in those circle, he may want to take time off from the family to pursue his old interests but that can cause strife if wife feels that is coming in the way of their closeness in family. I have seen many people say marriage hasn't destroyed my independence: I still go to movies, meet friends, have an occassional drink with old friends. But most often marriage is a destroyer of independence.

Transparent: How much transparency should be kept in a relationship? What all things a partner should hide regarding his college or school life or just about anything. A husband who tells everything about a former lover at college could feel himself transparent and appear as honest before his wife. But it is possible that if he continues to be in touch with the former lover, wife could start suspecting. Lack of transparency can hurt, if either partner finds out something that was kept a secret.

PH-PW Syndrome: Possessive Husband- Possessive Wife. Possessiveness in partners- I would say it's real hell for both of them. Undue Possessiveness could be attributed to some insecure feelings that have been recorded in their childhood days and played again and again in life (Transactional Analysis : Eric Berne, Dr Thomas Hardy). They not only fear loss of partners but also friends and children. Extreme possessiveness can be seen in a mother who dislikes others interacting more with their children. If husband is average looking,with low self esteem, and wife very pretty, husband could be extremely possessive. I have heard of such husbands locking up their wives while going out from home or refusing to take them out fearing other people would be attracted to her.

Quarrel: I have seen couples quarrelling in the open and they seem to delighting in it. There is a golden rule: In quarreling, the truth is often lost.  and sometimes, the hangover of a bad quarrel can last for weeks and months.

Tailpiece: Victims: In any strained marriage, the unfortunate victims are children. I will deal with it in my subsequent columns on this issue. Meanwhile, wishing all couples happiness and joy!!!