Who’s a Sports expert- a minister or someone who loves Sport?

I was prompted to write this piece after seeing bombarding of trolls against Kerala Sports Minister E P Jayarajan’s comment on boxer Mohammed Ali. How come the Minister didn’t know about Mohammed Ali? Or what was the need for Manorama News to elicit the views of our sports minister on Mohammed Ali? Wouldn’t it have been easier to find a person knowledgeable in boxing, a boxer or someone who has observed Mohammed Ali’s career to comment? How many of us are eager to hear what Sports Minister E P Jayarajan has to say on Mohammed Ali unless he is a boxer himself or known to be knowledgeable about boxing?

I think there should be a serious rethink in channels on how to identify experts in various field to talk on a news break or development. I remember Narottam Puri, the ace cricket commentator of 1970’s and 1980’s who was a friendly figure in both Doordarshan and AIR. He had statistics at the tip of his tongue and knew the game well. He was not a cricketer but a practicing ENT Surgeon who found spare time to indulge in his favourite hobby. His father was also a commentator, Devraj Puri and his father was his role model in commentary. What distinguished him from an average commentator was his passion for the game and his job.

In my childhood,when there was no TV or cable, we were glued to our radios to hear cricket updates . For a complete story of what happened we had to rely on the likes of R Mohan of The Hindu, Rajan Bala of the  Indian Express whose writing was interspersed with quotes from literature and most often they so graphic in their writing that we used to read and re-read it. They were not mere reporters but had a passion for the game and its rules.

Similarly I have found lot of people who closely follow global football and cricket and whose knowledge of the game has astounded me.  Manorama News or other leading channels will never take the pains to identify them or project them. It is always better to go behind popular names and titles- who is going to question them.

By the same yardstick, if something happens to Bill Gates our news anchors will ring up our Industry Minister and ask his views which I am sure would be another big disaster unless he is an IT expert himself. This is not journalism. As a former journo, I am pained to see the depths to which our journos are falling. Journos are also not infallible. Sometimes they learn through trial and error. I was once stumped when a senior businessmen in travel industry asked me who are the people who have done something for Kerala’s Tourism? I didn’t have a clear answer and the names I gave were all wrong. Then he talked about Late Minister PS Srinivasan, Jose Dominic (CGH), E Chandrasekharan Nair and so on.  Later on, I interviewed Jose Dominic for a story on Commodity Tourism thanks to  K C Chandrahasan  of Kerala Travels who opened my eyes.

Later doing agri- commodity stories, I understood that the most knowledgeable people were farmers and not scientists and researchers in our universities who drew fat salaries.  There was no one who knew cardamom and pepper in India as much as Sebastian Joseph, who developed the high yielding njallani variety that revolutionized cardamom cultivation in Idukki. I had the good fortune to meet him and was instrumental in getting him a Life Time Achievement Award from Spices Board. How many channels or newspapers have gone to him for his views on spices cultivation in his life time? He was not a PhD holder but stopped studies in 4^th standard.

This is the age of specialization. If you ask an IT specialist any topic related to IT he may not be able to answer. It’s not their fault. Also if you ask a physician or a surgeon a query, he may not be able to help unless it is his field of specialization. A cardiologist is not likely to know the latest advances in ortho surgery or opthamology.

The duty of a journalist is not to just expose some wrong doing or go behind gossip but do something that creates value to society. A journo is not a specialist but most often a generalist but that doesn’t prevent them from finding experts in an area and do stories with them. That is the minimum they can do to minimize their own lack of knowledge being transferred to hapless readers.

The E P Jayarajan incident or Thiruvanchoor Radhakrishnan incidents are all eye openers to not only journos but to the public as well- don’t laugh over the ignorance of someone but search for experts who can enlighten you! 

Twin objective of exercise- building body and mental muscles

By Aswathy Visweswaran**

Early morning scene in cities- stadiums, parks, and roads are all alive much before the rising sun. You will find young men, women, old men and women either walking, jogging or do stretching excercises. If you quiz them you could get some common reasons why they have all hit the road early in the morning:

-High Cholesterol
- Blood pressure
-Blood sugar
-Over Weight (Body Mass Index -BMI over 26)
-Belly fat, thigh fat
-Knee Pain, back pain

Still others rush to the nearest gym – do cycling, treadmill, bench press, take the dumb bells, take weights and so on. Their intention most probably could be to build muscles and keep fit.

Why do Excercise?

It is a fact that with more mechanization, computerization many of us are glued to some computerized device, forced to sit for more hours and leading a sedentary life even at home. Not to forget the high fat, high cholesterol, high protein diets, oil foods that clog your arteries or high fat deposits on your tummy. No wonder many succumb to first minor heart attack before 40's. Without exercise you are likely to be unhealthy and witness some of the symptoms given above.

Contrary to popular perception exercise is not only for building body muscles but also mental muscles. According to Chris Paley, author of Unthink (Coronet, UK ,2014). exercise is also beneficial for self –restraint. It helps in dealing with distractions, less TV watching, willingness to wash dishes at home and so on.

Is Exercise alone enough?

If you do one hour of exercise and increase your food intake especially sugar, oily foods, and fat, whatever gains made are quickly offset.  Health and fitness requires moderate exercise and balanced diet as opposed to dieting or starving. Balanced diet- is a mix of vitamins, proteins, minerals, fat,anti-oxidants …

There are others who are lazy and try out quick slim formulas sold either as capsules, powders or compounds from over the counter (OTC) in medical shops and super markets.  They are marketed as herbal, ayurvedic or natural products, whatever it means.

The harm created by dieting need not be over stressed- it leads to deprivation of essential nutrients in the body, lack of oxygen flow to cells, and overall weakness. Their role models are the the ones who appear on TV, banner ads in newspapers and magazines.

NB: If you are excercising or doing regular workouts, it is better to get the advice of dietician or nutritionists on what to eat before and after the workout.

#Advantages of Exercise
- lowers heart rate
-lower blood pressure
- lowers probability of cancer in women (endometrial cancer, liver cancer, ovarian cancer,bladder cancer, blood cancer)

-improves physical and mental alertness
-helps in weight management
-helps in toning of muscles.

The popularity of Dance-Fitness
Many people get lazy with morning walks and jogging after a few weeks or months, gets disappointed with workouts in the gym, still others who shell out INR 15000 to 25000 to have exercise machines or treadmills at home, only to give up after the initial enthusiasm is over. In many homes, they become the favourite hanging place for your Tees, vests and briefs in bedroom and balacony!

It’s when many people give dance –fitness a try. Zumba has emerged as one of the top favourites as it appeals to all age groups from Kids to old age – Kids Zumba (7-11), Jr Kids Zumba (5-7), Zumba (18-50), Zumba Gold (50 years and above), Zumba Toning (to keep muscles in shape), Aqua Zumba. Zumba is a Latin American dance-fitness program that integrates the best of dance forms Salsa, Cumbia, Regaetton, Merengue accompanied by entertaining global music. Beto Perez is the creator of Zumba Fitness formula that keeps your mind, body agile and brings an amazing change in your lifestyles. Zumba burns upto 800 calories an hour. Aerobics continues to appeal to all age groups due to its scientific methods and music based workouts.

Wishing you all success in health, wellness efforts!

(NB: Those having heart, asthma, ortho or other medical problems needs to first consult a doctor before joining for any fitness program).

(Aswathy Visweswaran is a pharmacist turned Zumba Fitness instructor well-versed in diet and nutrition. She is the co-founder of Beats 'n' Steps, a dance fitness studio in Kalamassery, Kochi and mother of two children). For any suggestions and queries- write to beatsnsteps@gmail.com or call Prasanth-9895611537)

**(Edited by Sreekumar Raghavan)

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Painting without Brush,Ladders and Horses

Those who have seen a house being painted knows how messy a work it is. First the painters put on the work clothes. Use sand paper/emery paper or stone to clean to scratch the surface to a smooth finish. This will bring all sorts of dusts, old cracked or peeled paint on the floor and the room will be filled with smoke.

Next they use two buckets to mix the paint using a stick or by hand. For height they need the ladder or a contraption which in Malayalam is called “Kuthira” (horse). In high rise buildings they put up bamboo poles which are tied to each other in layers horizontally and vertically for doing exterior work. They place a plank at suitable heights to sit or stand and paint.

Once the painters complete  the whole process their pants and shirt will be messed up with paint and if they don’t wear a cap, their heads will also be quite colorful.

Traditional painting is indeed labour intensive activity. If you are painting your home where you are presently living you need to move certain furniture and utensils or cover them up with cloth or paper. Who doesn’t want a less messier, less laborious and more cleaner way of painting?

High tech is in –Now paint without a Brush

When robots have entered medical surgery and house cleaning, it is quite natural that painting industry would also witness the introduction of high tech equipments. It has already happened thanks to Berger which has launched its super-fast, high tech and efficient Express Painting service.

#Sanding Machine: Instead of a sand paper or stone, they use a sanding machine to clean the wall surface. It has got a speed regulator and a vacuum suction bag where all the peeled paint and dirt is deposited. It is fairly long and can be used on walls and celing. For use on corner walls rotating handles round parts can be replaced to enable smooth movement and cleaning.

#Multipurpose Mixer: For mixing paint untouched by hand, they have a speed-variable multi purpose mixer which looks like an enlarged version of a cream mixer  we use to make cake dough. It can be used to mix putty as well as wall paint. All you need is to put the requisite paint or putty in a bucket, pour sufficient water and place the mixer in it and regulate the speed as required.

# Auto Paint Roller: Instead of brush, painters have started using rollers which do not leave behind any marks on the surface unlike brush. Now Berger has introduced the auto roller to make the actual paint job much easier and say good bye to four-inch brush. It has got a body, roller head, extension pipe, inlet pipe for paint and speed control knob. When suction pipe is connected to the paint container, it draws paint when the machine is switched on. It and the roller will be filled with paint and the machine is ready to start its work. The advantage of auto roller is speed, uniform finish and less labour time.

#Jet Washer not the hose: To clean the exterior walls, why not use the express jet washer instead of the normal hose which can put only at a single speed?  It is a versatile machine with high pressure pipes, spray gun, suction pipe and strainer and comes with a higher pressure washer unit. There is a pressure regulator to control water pressure.

#Automatic sprayer: Then there is the automatic sprayer  that gives a uniform finish on water-based and oil based paints on walls.

You no longer need so many brushes of various sizes to paint! All you need is a paint and a surface!

(For details contact Dulux Paints dealer: Katticaran Paints, Palarivattom & Vytilla Ph:9349413517)

Indian Contemporary Dance: From the floor to air with dexterity

If you think dance was all about body movements, eye movements, mudras and accompanying song and music, you may be out of sync with the contemporary! If you have learnt Kerala’s unique martial art Kalaripayettu, you can use it not only for self defence or for attack. If you have a passion for dance, this martial art would be just right to blend into contemporary style.

If the name Daksha Sheth crops up in any discussion of contemporary there is nothing to be surprised. Daksha, an exponent of Kathak  (having trained under the legendary Birju Maharaj) and Mayurbhanj Chhau combined Kalaripayettu, aerial and rope techniques to take the dance to new heights. Her equally illustrious daughter Isha Shervani performed in Subash Ghai’s Kisna (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZogcmNls0FY, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVynNDtvR9Q) and several other films. She mesmerized the world with her horror acts, Argentine Tango, Aerial Lyra acts and several others in the immensely popular reality show Jhalak Dhikla Ja aired in Colors Channel.





Isha Shervani from the production Shiva Shakti (Pic Courtesy: Ishashervani.com)
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Kochiites are now fortunate to have Pratheep Kumar, a versatile contemporary dancer trained under Daksha Sheth and was associated with it for over 10 years and held performances in USA and UK. He dropped out of college while in Trivandrum to pursue his passion-dance.

Kalaripayettu training under his uncle helped him become swift in his body movements and flexibility.  The beauty of contemporary dance is in not giving undue weight or strain on any part of the body especially the knees, Pratheep says. The weight is balanced on the toes and the tip of the leg. His performance in May 2015 at the Kerala History Museum titled Dance Affair organized by TheFloor was indeed a delight to watch. The Floor has been in the forefront bringing contemporary dancers for workshops in recent times.

Daksha’s new language and idiom in Indian contemporary dance is now being taken up by an enthusiastic team of trainers like Pratheep and Santosh (both at Mamangam), trained in Kalaripayettu, Bharatanatyam, and Ballet. Pratheep who has been trained in Indian Contemporary is eager to learn western contemporary that incorporates elements of Ballet and gymnastics. Renowned actress Rima Kallingal, founder of Mamangam is herself a contemporary dancer, which many people may not know.

India’s film industry – Bollywood only briefly experimented with contemporary dance thanks to Isha but for the most gave us a choreographed Bollywood dance that had a mix of classical, semi-classical and western themes.

Western contemporary has a long tradition set by such stalwarts of the 1800’s as Isadora Duncan, Ruth St Denis and Ted Shawn. Indian contemporary is still evolving and should catch on with the younger generation. It takes real courage to experiment and bring new ideas into existing art forms. That makes Daksha unique while most dancers are mere followers of a particular tradition.

When I recently met the legendary Resul Pookutty after a gap of two decades, he asked me what icontemporary dance is all about. I told about my daughter initiation in both Kalari and Contemporary. I didn’t have a clear answer to his question then. But it has stirred a curiosity to know more. With each experimentation, the skillful dancers are stretching its possibilities a bit more.

References:Western Contemporary: http://www.worlddanceheritage.org/jazz-contemporary-difference/
Indian Contemporary: www.ishashervani.com & www.dakshasheth.com

(To learn more about Contemporary Dance classes, call Prasanth@ Beats ‘n’ Steps- 9895611537)

The delight of White Wash, theCoir Brush and Tom Sawyers wit!

I remember my childhood days in Trivandrum living in a tiled house with small rooms, wooden cross railings that were painted in blue and walls that were white washed. Painting was not a costly affair in those days but it required some expertise to prepare the white wash- prepared from quicklime. I remember smoke coming out when water is poured over it.

Once they made the mixture, they cleaned the walls spraying water and scrubb it clean with coir pith not the stones or sand paper used now.

There were no brushes with fancy wooden handles and bristles but only brushes made with coir that were used to paint the fences.  It was a delight to see the painters do their job, to reach the top of the building or the room, they used small and big ladders made of bamboo.  It seemed so easy when they deftly moved their coir brushes along the walls. This process was done only once in two or three years and it was nice to see our house after this and it was favored because of its antibacterial properties.


In tiled houses, both interiors and exteriors were white washed, the contrast was given to the building by tiles, doors and windows that used to be painted either blue or with wooden varnish.

I was fond of painting thinking it was an easy job any way! But the problem was I was not good in the strokes so brush marks would be visible on the walls. But with some practice I could do it without anyone else seeing it, except my brother and a few neighbourhood friends.  I was afraid my father wouldn’t like my study time to be occupied with whitewash!

At school, it was fun to learn the English text which had the story of Tom Sawyer who cleverly white washed the walls while he munched the apples and flew the kites his friends gave in return for allowing them  to do the whitewashing.

It required the literary genius of Mark Twain to pen those lines-Tom Sawyer surveyed the fence, 30 yards nine feet high to be white washed. On a cheerful Saturday morning when locusts were in full bloom, there was happiness all round, Tom felt his life was hollow and existence a burden!

But he did it reluctantly and by the time his dreaded friend Ben arrived he was busy moving the brush with gentle strokes. He surveyed the last touch with the eye of an artist.

In my childhood days, enamel paints weren’t that popular – the only colors we could get was black, white and blue. Sometimes, when the painter failed to turn up as promised, my mother would ask me to try my hand at painting the metal gate with two colors black and white. Again preparing the surface was the most difficult thing to do. There should not be any rust or unevenness which had to be smoothened with sand paper. Turpentine or sometimes kerosene was used as a thinner to make it easier to paint.

When our old house was extended and renovated, the paint market had more offerings by way of cement paint (the famous brand was Snowcem) which used to be sold in sacks with choice of colors. It was also better at warding off fungus growth, algae growth in exterior walls and gave a modern look. Enamel paint with different color choices began to be used in wooden doors and windows too.

Distemper and emulsion paint came much later and initially only the rich could afford to distemper their walls. The advantage was that stains or dirt could be wiped away and keeping the surface looking new for a longer time.

Three years ago when we build our home Mercury in Palarivattom in Kochi – the paint industry had seen through many technological changes-  now we have textured walls, exterior paints that can withstand algae and fungus and thousands of shades to choose from the color palette.

As I observed recently in my friend Beena Katticaran’s paint shop -when there is the color drum to mix, any shade is created within a matter of minutes. The paint majors Dulux and Asian Paints are providing complete painting solutions from choosing colors, providing services of specialists painters and textured walls. Now kids rooms have all the cartoon characters, living rooms can have Arabian desert or nature themes to choose from. Tools have also changed, the brush is no longer the symbol but the paint rollers which give a uniform finish to the surface.

Paints have protected our houses and given a character to it whether it was the whitewashed walls of Tom Sawyer era or the emulsified exteriors of today!

In sync with Resul Pookutty, the Master of Sound

Tuesday  (Jan 12, 2016) morning turned out to be a memorable day in my life as I happened to re-connect with my long lost friend (no Soulmate!) Resul Pookutty after a gap of two decades at the lobby of Marriot Hotel, near Cochin Intl Airport.  We spent over 40 minutes reviving old memories and reviving thoughts about various things including films, family and living in general.


Resul repeatedly asked me, “Why you didn’t contact me all these years. As a celebrity it wouldn’t have been difficult to get in touch with me -isn’t it true that you didn’t.”  Seeing my confused look and my statement  that everything has its own time to happen, he added “ I did try but somehow couldn’t connect and all these years I have been looking for you and didn’t know whom to ask”  Interestingly, those close to me following the development  including my wife Aswathy said I appear like the character Barber Balan played by veteran actor and director Srinivasan in the movie Katha Parayumbol !

I put the picture of our re-union in FaceBook the same day and there was quick response from friends and acquaintances some curious to know about our friendship and others who were surprised to know about my interest in foraying into film industry through film editing from Film and Television Institute (FTII), Pune.

Now the Flashback
Some time in December of 1990, one fine morning I boarded the Kanyakumari –Mumbai train in sleeper class to Pune with the aim of trying my luck in film editing at FTII. I was among several aspirants travelling in the same train in different compartments having cleared the written test and had to appear for a week’s orientation programme, write tests again and appear for interview. The selection was based on our cumulative performance assessed after the interview.

The aspirants in other compartments were Resul Pookutty whom most of you might have heard of only after he became a celebrity. Then there was Suresh Pai, now a veteran award winning film editor in Mumbai, Sriram Kothandaraman (Cinematographer), Mahesh (Director), Vinod from School of Drama  and few others who boarded from different parts of Kerala. I met Resul only in Pune railway station and instantly liked his humor and ability to establish rapport very easily.

Thereafter, for the next one week, Resul was the person who made our days and nights eventful with his delightful jokes and pranks he played on others in the hostel. But it was very evident after a few days that most of us wouldn’t make it to FTII as several experienced people trying for second and third time were there and performing well in group discussions and tests. For the interview, I remember  veteran director, K G George was a member o f the panel. Then there was the head of Film Editing Department Mr Rao and John Sankaramangalam, film director and dean of FTII. George asked me why I wanted to become a film editor. I said I read about many films rescued at the editing table including Chemeen and the vital role I could play in helping create good movies and documentaries. At that time I had already joined for journalism course at Kerala University and George felt I would be better off continuing there as my core skill seemed to be in writing but having no exposure to drama or films. He said if I felt the urge to do films, I could try next year. My analytical depth of classical films was also not commendable, George said.

Most of the first time aspirants returned in a bus to Mangalore having failed to gain entry and thereafter some of us boarded the Parasuram express to Thiruvannthapuram. But the now popular cinematographer of Bollywood Santosh Thundiyil from Chenganachery (or Chengannur) gained entry that year and I think it was his second or third attempt. He was a very jovial character but I couldn't get close to him as much as I did with Suresh Pai, Raman and Pookutty. I remember meeting him later on in one or two film festivals.

Resul also didn’t fare well in the interview and tests and went back to continue his LLB course at Govt Law College, Thiruvananthapuram and I continued with my journalism programme. Resul and Sriram Kothandaraman were determined to work hard and get into FTII next year. They went to libraries to read books on films, literature, never missed film festivals and kept preparing for their eventual entry into an institution that would catapult them to fame. Suresh Pai also attempted next year and got entry into film editing.

Resul was staying in the Law College hostel which was close to my house. And in the evenings when I felt bored I would walk to his hostel and find other friends like Sriram with him and we may go for a walk, have tea and snacks and talk about films or crack jokes.  With Resul around there was no scarcity for it. Sometimes, Resul came to my house and spend some time- he was I think amazed by the books I read – classical and modern fiction, current affairs, philosophy- Rajaneesh and also much talked about writers such as Kushwant Singh and Shobha De. I also had latest magazines taken from the library –Economist, Time, Newsweek which he used to glance through.

He said every time he meets Shobha De he remembers me because he heard about her books and writings for the first time from me.

We celebrated the entry in the second attempt by Resul, Sriram and Suresh Pai and they used to keep in touch ocasionally through letters or phone throughout their tenure at FTII. I remember while in his last year at FTII, Resul came for a break and badly wanted to meet Krishnan Unni , veteran sound recordist at Chitranjali Studio and I think he met him. Once, he jokingly said in the presence of Sriram– we are struggling now, it’s not easy to get assignments in Mumbai but one day you will write about us!

The other day when we met, he asked, “ Why you haven’t written about me so far?”. I am fulfilling that task now.

In journalism , since 1993 I had to struggle to get my first break and succeeded only in 1995 in The Financial Express. Till then I was mostly doing freelancing and worked for around eight months with Balarama Creative Unit in Kottayam where the greatest achievement was the rapport I established with late N M Mohanan, the visionary editor who was behind the success of both Poompata and Balarama. His characters Luttapi and Mayavi are now the favourite of every child.

In parallel, as I was struggling to get good media jobs, Resul, Sriram and others were struggling it out in Mumbai having no films to work on. Suresh Pai was their solace as he worked for a TV channel as editor and earned some money. I came to know of these developments through common friends in Mumbai and once or twice before my marriage in 1997, I remember meeting Resul a few times in Thiruvananthapuram . I forgot to invite any of the FTII groups for my wedding and thereafter I continued with my achievements and struggles in the media industry having won an award in 2001 but for the most part unable to realize my full potential anywhere.

Thereafter I lost touch with this group altogether but heard about some of the good work being done by Suresh Pai and Resul. And I knew considering their hardwork and overall merits they would go onto become celebrities but Oscar was something unexpected.

I didn’t feel like contacting Resul after that because one never knows how he might have changed after becoming a celebrity.  But I had fond memories of him and always thought I would bump against him in some meeting or the other or in the airport. It didn’t happen. I made my son Darshan read his autobiography-Sounding off and told him about our friendship.  I was part of the Kanyakumari-Mumbai journey Resul first undertook to FTII in December 1990 and I could recall each incident mentioned in it. But I was missing in the narrative. I put this in an FB post in 2012 and while in Commodity Online I wrote a year-end piece mentioning Slumdog Millionaire, the relevance of the film, my association with Resul Pookutty. Unfortunately, he didn’t google my name all these years, otherwise, it would have caught his attention.

Recently, the FB post of 2012 showing the cover of Resul’ book wherein I mentioned about the omission of me from the book was posted again in memories in Facebook. It was seen by my wife's uncle  M R Pradeep Kumar (Editor of Balarama) who shared it with Resul. He immediately got in touch with me and immediately that rapport was reestablished. He was in Kochi that day morning but was back in Mumbai when he called me. He promised to meet any day between January 10 and 12 and that’s how the meeting finally took place. It was warm and cordial in the presence of a family friend of mine and an upcoming music programmer Raihan.

He talked about the insecurities of film industry, lamented about not getting a good project after Slumdog Millionaire and in general about the problems faced by sound engineers. We also talked briefly about our old friends and family. I remember he was well read in Malayalam literature especially the classics of Vaikam Mohammed Basheer and his book mentions Hunthrapi Bussato several times. Whether it is literature, drama, people, music, sound,childhood experiences, films or just about anything in life, Resul has a strange way of observing it and coming up with something we didn't notice. He is still a child at heart.

Resul has agreed to include me in the second edition of Sounding off and its Malayalam original version. I am looking forward to it. And curious what he has to say about me!

Father as a proactive parent

When it comes to marriage and parenting there are always lots of issues to be discussed in the media and in open forums but no consensus probably emerges. The traditional view was that husband would bring all the money needed for the family by going out for work while the wife would look after the household and children.

With nuclear families consisting of father, mother and maximum two to three children becoming the norm and wife also becoming a bread-earner, the need for the father to take a proactive rather than a passive role in parenting has emerged.

Women are seen to be good at multi-tasking -managing the children, household work, job or business, and also look after husband’s requirements.  In some families, the father assumes no role in supporting children’s studies, their physical and emotional needs as it is considered the domain of the mother. In some cases, his busy job schedule or business is cited as a reason for the passive role taken by the father.

Both Father and Mother are role models
I remember my childhood days. I looked upon my father, a state government employee,  as a role model in the meticulous way he drafted letters, handled office files, helped someone who was finding it difficult to get the work done from his office, as was his punctuality. Whatever, his other shortcomings, I imbibed an important lesson regarding work. Even now as I write and complete an article, I verify it a few times for spelling, grammatical errors before sending it for publication or uploading in my blog. If I am too tired, I get it done by someone else.

Likewise, I admired my mother (also a government official) for juggling life between office, home and sometimes hospital when my father used to be admitted for heart ailments as was her ability to manage people to get things done. Our parents are also human and also not perfect having their own shortcomings but we tend to ignore them and get inspired by the positive qualities they possessed.

This goes on to prove that children are watching each of our activity very closely than we assume.  Therefore, how we behave with our colleagues, friends, neighbours, relatives and how we regard our work and business all have a bearing on the development of the personality of the child. I remember, in Rajagiri  Public School in Kochi where my daughter studies, I have been an active member of Parent Teacher Association (PTA) for the past three years. But most parents are unwilling to volunteer for any activity citing either lack of time or inability to take any responsibility. Then the management and teachers naturally ask a very pertinent question:  You want your children to take leadership roles, be outstanding and successful in school and career. But by not taking a leadership role when an opportunity comes right in front of you, are you giving the right message to your children?

Husband is your partner, not boss

Recently, my wife Aswathy reminded me when we quaraled , “Hey, you are not my boss but an equal partner in a relationship. “ I realized it was quite true. (The fact is that we are really good friends, that’s another story!)

Traditional view still having some religious approval is that husband should be considered the boss and wife the subordinate. The other day I attended the wedding of my neighbor in a church in Kochi belonging to Latin Catholic. There the priest said the wife would serve the husband and he shall always love her. And the children born to them should be seen as God’s children.

You might have heard of Kahlil Gibran’s famous quote repeated across the world by speakers and writers : Your Children are not your Children. They are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself. .. they  come through you, but not from you. And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts…..

If we see children as life’s continuum happening through us for a noble cause, we would treat our children differently than if we considered it as our own property.

Family,the basic unit

Family is the basic unit in society- our first friend, supporters, teachers and philosophers are all our parents. Happy families are built on the foundation of happy marriages based on unconditional love, understanding and mutual trust.  If the husband is seen constantly ridiculing or critcising his wife in front of their children, it will have negative impact on them.

The purpose of elaborate arrangements for marriage in Churches in Christian, Muslim marriages, or solemnized by the community in the case of Hindus, is to instill the importance of marriage and how to keep the relationship divine among the couples. It is through their union, new offsprings are born and subsequently inherit their wealth and wisdom.

Even while respecting the sermons in Churches or differing views religion may have on marriages. I personally think the modern paradigm of an equal partner relationship in marriage would be more appropriate. If couples are aware of their equal roles in all aspects related to marriage including children, finances, savings, managing household matters, it would put equal responsibility on both the partners to make the relationship work.

Happy families in turn lead to happy children and who go on to become responsible citizens.

(The author, an award winning media professional, is happily married to Aswathy, a pharmacist turned Zumba fitness professional and they have two kids-Darshan  (16) and Diyah (7))