To Lead a Life of Abundance: KrishnaMani shows the way

'E manohara theerathu tharumo ini oru janmam koodi, enikku iniyoru janmam koodi'- (Will I be born again in this beautiful land?) goes a popoular Malayalam song. When poets sing about the beauty of life and all the wonders around, many curse their existence and think about all the bad things that have happened in their lives- miserable childhood, distressing school, uninteresting job, a troubled marriage,  unhelpful relatives and friends, a chaotic society...the list is endless. They look to the media to hear more of such things being reported and it becomes their favourite discussion point.

For the past ten years, KrishnaMani and her team have been telling this is not the way. Replace each negative thought with a positive thought, replace each negative feeling with a positive affirmation, visualise all the good things you want to see in your life and see the magic happening. At Hotel Dunes in Kochi on December 20 and 21, it was again a two full-day session for KrishnaMani which began with the need to cultivate an attitude of gratitude. You are sitting in a chair- who cut the wood, who designed it into a chair, who sold it and how are you able to sit on it, you reached here on time, you may have come in your own car, be grateful you have the car and could drive, today morning you woke up and had a cup of tea or water, how did it reach you. Who all made it happen. You must be thankful to all of them. It could be a planter in a far away tea plantation or a engineer working overtime to ensure drinking water supply to your home.

Power of Positive Thoughts
You hear people complaining about corrupt government officials, bad roads, heavy traffic, inefficient officials, you talk about your child who doesn't study well, lacks discipline, you hear your children discussing how poorly their teacher teaches lessons. First erase all such negative feelings or thoughts and replace it will positive thoughts. Write in a piece of paper every day, my teachers are efficient, they come to class regularly, I respect my father, mother, gurus, all the sages and saints who gave me the wisdom and the strength to face alladversities in life. An affirmation note book written regularly can make miracles in our life. Geetha, a school teacher said her children now write five affirmations every day: I am the best student, I can learn, understand and achieve, I respect my teachers and my friends. Thoughts are like seeds- positive thoughts creative positive results. Thoughts are also like boomerang- it is capable of rebounding as fast as we release it.

Anjulakshmi talked about how this wisdom enabled her to find her perfect match Nishad and with their only son Keshav, continue to be part of KrishnaMani's inner circle and spread the message of oneness and prosperity. Her husband Nishad has spoken earlier about how visualising through a 'mind movie' helped him achieve his dream of owning a brand new SUV.

Life of abundance
Life is abounding- the nature is rich with greenery, with all the fruits and flowers, energy, matter that can continue to grow to meet the needs of more and more people. How many visualise the world that way? Aren't we more prone to talk about scarcity and lack of things in our life, in our country and society. This is where cultivating abundance consciousness becomes important.  If you are not grateful for all the good that has come into your life, how can you continue to experience abundance. How can you feel the abundance when all that we talk about is scarcity and dearth. Be grateful for the wages that you are receiving now, be grateful to your employers and wish for their prosperity, more wealth will flow. Be grateful for the house that you live in whether rented or own, be grateful to your vehicle, to your family and friends who help you, soon more abundance will start flowing. KrishnaMani wouldn't say it's her wisdom, it has come from the Universe, the eternal source, from the sages and saints.

Life is all about balance
For a fruitful life, the panchabhutas- Fire (symbolised by your thumb), Air (index finger), ether (middle finger), earth (ring finger) and water (small finger) should be balanced. Now you understand the importance of folding your hands and saying namaste. So are the seven chakras- the crown, third eye, throat, solar plexus, root...which corresponds to your spiritual thinking, emotions, higher thought, expression, communication, money, wealth, relationshiops, digestion, health and there are several day-to-day actions that can restore the balance- including jogging, walking, clapping hands, simple stretching excercises.

Money Freedom
We have not been born into this world to lead a life of misery and poverty. It is our thoughts that lead to such an existence. What is the harm in saying- ' I love money, let it come in plenty.' You can use it for yourself,well being of your family, you could use it for religious activities, charity,you use it to pay taxes- development of civilisation and society... money is not the root of all evil.

KrishnaJyothi Group
The KrishnaJyothi group is evolving and spreading across the state and country. The number of people who have gained from the wisdom of the sages channelised through KrishnaMani continues to grow. Why wait, join the abundance culture and make way to greater prosperity. Thanks to Vinay, Liju Sunil, Kishore Lal, Shaji PM, Reshma Shaji and all those who make the group happen.

Whatsapp: How it destroys F2Fc

Last week, as we ( my wife Aswathy, kids Darshan and Diyah) spent an evening with our long time family friend Darsana and Pradeep- the topic of Whatsapp came up. All of us were ofcourse ocassionaly, looking at our mobiles for updates.It was actually Pradeep's remarks that ignited my interest in writing this  It is not surprising to see people sitting for dinner at a restaurant and hardly talking to each other but moving their fingers through the touch screen and texting on Whatsapp or FB Messenger or the several other new ones like Hike or Hangouts that have come up.

Now people are no longer interested in your landline number or cell number.Hey are you on Whatsapp? You see its easy to share photos, videos, text with the convenience of not seeing face to face.  A couple broke up only because the wife didn't respond to the husband's message but his screen showed 'blue tick '. So what was she doing all the time? Wait a minute: From where did I get this news? From FB ofcourse!

Then there are couples who pry on each other's Whatsapp messages creating a hell in their relationships. I heard a guy lament, 'all my wife's friends on whatsapp are guys.'

Whatsapp groups
I am in a few Whatsapp groups and if you haven't muted those, it keeps beeping constantly. Some people start of with a 'Good morning' and can be seen through out the day passing comments, sharing pictures and even putting offensive jokes until midnight. Some time back I went a doctor's clinic and lot of people were waiting in the lobby for their turn. Some magazines and newspapers were kept there. Except for an elderly gentleman, none of them were reading but busy texting on their phones and smiling.

And then I heard a guy say in frustration, " I am going to stop this whatsapp. Seriously, It's taking lot of time in useless talk." But he's still there hooked to it.

How Whatsapp destroys language
I fear if I hang on to Whatsapp and FB I may lose  my language skills. This may be the shortest blog I have written and that too very informally-- that's all you need to.

-In Whatsapp  you don't need to write a full sentence: smileys will help up complete a broken sentence- whether its LOL, cryingm a frown or an anguish and there is always the clap and the thumbs up -frequently overused.

- Earlier, they said:  Let's meet over a cup of tea- but now : " Let's meet on Whatsapp"

-Losing perspective: In face to face or oral communication through phone-- as you make a sentence you have the option to clarify it further. But in Whatsapp-- sometimes, that perspective may be lost. You may type something and send, before you blink your eye the other person could reach a conclusion and that could sap a relationship.

Opportunity cost
What would be the opportunity cost of spending time on Whatsapp? All the good things that you can do: Planting a tree, reading a book, spending quality time with your children, spending f2f (face-to-face) time and or even genuinely helping others.

Whatsapp may be a great  (or Gr8) technological revolution but at what social costs? Still lazy to comment on this- pls Whatsapp me!

The Authentic Lil' America

Hey, All ya' hot dog fans, have ya' all heard 'bout lil' America? Well, it's this fast food restaurant right in the middle o' Panampilly Nagar, the fast growing commercial area in Cochin. Anyone who loves hot dogs is gonna love this place!

Well, I went there with great expectation, and to my surprise, it was way more than what I expected. With the cool music in their Jukebox, the baseball glove and the rugby ball on display, the place gives you that kind of feeling you get in a café in the Americas. The graffiti on the main wall featuring major American marks including Uncle Sam and the Statue of Liberty is quite something (I found myself staring at it for a couple of minutes).

this held my gaze for like, 10 minutes.

So, as you can see, I was pretty impressed by the looks and the vibe, and my next step was to evaluate the food. I bought a couple of hot dogs, some waffles and a slushy. As I took my first bite of the hot dog, I thought: “This place is one of a kind!”

Another impressive feature is their charity programme. Any customer can donate a hot dog, and they'll pin a tab on to the S.O.W, or ‘Some On the Wall’ board (quirky, eh?). When they've got a lot of tabs, they invite children from a selected orphanage, and serve twice as many hot dogs as donated by the customers. Quite noble and quite interesting, I should say.                                                                                                      

Rupam and Arunima Gupta, the brains behind Lil" America

I appreciate the efforts of Rupam and Arunima Gupta, the couple behind this venture. I’m very much looking forward to my next visit to Lil’ America. A nice little restaurant, neatly tucked away at the 5th Cross Road of Panampilly Nagar. This place is a must-visit for all those who are looking for a new taste. Make sure ya’ get the name right…. Lil’ America. Let me spell it out for ya'.                                                                             

L-I-L   A-M-E-R-I-C-A. There you go!

Choli Ke Peechey Kya Hai: It keeps a man guessing!

What's behind a woman's blouse? The Bollywood hit song from Khalnayak of early 1990's jokingly says it's the heart!

Unlike other mammals, human female breasts are now considered more of a sexual organ than a mammary gland that springs into life following child birth.

Desmond Morris, best selling author of Body Watching, Human Watching, Naked Ape...series of books that look at humans from a zoological perspective have already traced the evolution of breast from a mammary gland to a sexually attractive organ in female.

According to Carol Jahne, a writer in The Guardian, UK, the plump bosom in the human ape is an anomoly. No other mammals have a permanent breast. The writer points out that the sex appeal of rounded female buttocks and plump breasts is both universal and unique to the human primate.

The evolutionary process has also wired into female psyche the need to have large breasts and cancer patients and specialists who attended a recent talk show on TV felt they felt most awkward when breasts had to be removed to prevent spread of malignant tumour. This in turn has led to a growing industry for silicone breast implants.

The evolution of the breast as a sex organ has also paved the way for a multi-billion dollar lingerie industry with its market size seen at 1.6 bn to 2 bn pieces worldwide. And the best part is that women and designers are now more keen to come up with dresses that don't fully reveal the bosom but still ensure that men keep guessing and feel attracted! 

When Facebook becomes a window to the world

I was drawn into Facebook partly for personal and partly for official reasons. In fact, I began looking seriously at social media sites like Twitter, Facebook and Linkedin to actually look at ways to promote the sites I am working for. Initially, I too had a Facebook page with updates done once in a while and basically to further share some of the stories that Commodity Online (www.commodityonline.com), Bulliion Street (www.bullionstreet.com) published.

But now thanks to internet on mobile and my desire to keep up with what my friends and relatives are doing, I now check FB several times a day. Infact, when a small beep comes on my mobile signalling an FB update or notification I am tempted to immediately look into it- Just to find how others have responded to a funny post that I put or an interesting comment or a post I shared.

Still more as an editor who needs to keep track of Indian economy, global economy, markets and commodities in particular, FB as emerged as the best medium. You just need to like a lot of news sites across the world and immediately you have alerts of the best possible news and analysis published anywhere in the world. Some of my recent column ideas emerged from FB posts shared by my friends and some news breaks put by other news media sites.

Now waiting for your turn at a hair saloon, at a doctor's clinic or in any other place is no longer tiring as long as you have net connectivity on your mobile. Whatsapp continues to provide a medium for private communication and among groups. Some of the best and worst jokes, photos and videos are now being shared on Whatsapp.

Infact, when I have to communicate something even if it's a joke or an advice with my son, I find Whatsapp to be a better medium.Sometimes, when multiple messages appear on Whatsapp, Hangouts, Messenger apart from email reminders, your multi-tasking abilities will be put to test. (I sometimes envy my wife Aswathy who has recently attained a sort of stardom after becoming a Zumba fitness trainer and wellness-enthusiast as her mobile is never silent- with f\ans and well wishers wanting to chat and inundated with friend requests from across the globe. And this goes on well into the night until she switches off her data connection!!) As with most stars and celebrites, I told her she may well have to have a public FB profile that's accessible and the other that's private!!

As with any other medium, there are several reports of cyber crimes happening in social media and that's only to be expected with most of the victims being hapless girls and women. However, I feel our cyber laws are sufficiently well drafted to bring all such people to book but more importantly the police now employ the most sophisticated cyber solutions to frame a criminal.

Medium for positive thoughts
FB has also now become a medium for sharing positive thoughts and quotes from scriptures, religious books, philosophers, scientists like Abdul Kalam and gurus such as Sri Sri Ravishankar. It also becomes a vibrant medium to share human interest stories from across the world. Like this one I just read: A Chinese youth whose love proposal was turned down seven years ago by a girl saying he didn't have money to buy two movie tickets and has now emerged rich and bought the entire first day's ticket of a recently released movie. The youth said her former lover called her on hearing this news but was in no position to rekindle the relationship!!!

Or the interesting news that a man in Mumbai filed for a divorce saying his wife had put on weight. However, the Mumbai High Court turned down the plea saying it was not sufficient grounds for divorce.

On a personal note, birthdays, anniversaries, achievements are all for sharing on FB and so is mundane every day activities. For some, a favourite past time is changing their profile picture and cover photo every now and then.

A time-pass
It may appear that most of the activity in social media is being pursued just to while away time but that doesn't mean FB or Twitter can't be used creatively. In fact many politicians let known their views on a variety of topics through twitter and FB. For several others out there in cyberspace but not in FB or inactive in FB, I would only recommend to use these media creatively for their own benefit- businesses are realising so should individuals.

Power Point losing charm as a presentation tool

Thinking of making a Power Point to brighten your presentation before a large audience? Think twice. I have sat through many presentations solely backed by Power Point and found it disgusting. I think it could be the case with most people in the audience.

Last week, our company itself had an investors program in Kochi and speaker-after-speaker tried to use Power Point but with little effect. Some of the tables and points were hardly legible to an audience sitting in the middle to back of the auditorium. Even those sitting in the front rows had to struggle to see the fine print.

I think the problem crops up due to lack of knowledge on how to use Power Point in the first palce.

If you clutter your presentation with too much bullet points, each sentence appears smaller for the audience and hence has to take a lot of strain reading it.

If you are showing data in a table, and if it contains too many columns and rows, it's again a recipe for disaster. Most people may not be able to grasp the figures and understand your argument related to it.

I think Power Point works well in a small audience of 10-12 people in a discussion room provided you don't clutter it with too much words and data.

Pictures and video in Power Point can be effective provided it is very relevant to what you are talking about.Here again, clarity is a must-- if it's downloaded from You Tube or Google, poor resolutiion can spoil the show.

However, I have found many experts who don't use the Power Point at all gaining attention of the audience and with a little bit of humour, they can really keep the audience enthralled.

The benefits of PowerPoint are continuously debated. The term "PowerPoint hell" has been coined for long, tedious PowerPoint presentations that bore the audience, according to Wikipedia.

These points taken from WikiHow are worth noting:

-Don't use too much text in one template. Otherwise it would look too crowded and strenuous to the eyes. Not to mention boring.
-Don't use too many special effects as it can get distracting and annoying.
-Remember the more objects embedded in a PowerPoint, the larger the file. So if you're planning on saving it on a disk, you have to keep the file small unless saving the file on a thumb drive (jump drive) or burning it on CD.

Microsoft Power Point was launched officially on May 22, 1990, as part of Microsoft Office suite.It no doubt helps in creating presentations in no time compared to slides of yesteryears projected on slide projectors which consumed a lot of time and energy to produce. Properly used slide projectors had much more clarity and effectiveness to take the message across to the audience.

India's professional education: Are we Engineering a disaster?

My son now in 10th Std went for a foundation course for IIT-JEE while he was in 8th Std but gave it up after a year.

Many of his friends must be continuing it possibly on parental pressure. India has the largest workforce of engineers thanks to the proliferation of engineering colleges.

I met Arun, a Professor of Engineering while on my way to Chennai last week. He said Tamilnadu has about 500 or more engineering colleges of which only 100 may be of good quality.

When companies do recruitment of fresh engineering grads, they find only one-fifth of them are employable- the rest may not make it to their dream job and end up as clerks or in lowly paid jobs. The system of ranking of colleges by universities themselves has resulted in students and managements focussed on academic merits and not on practical knowledge or innovation, he said.

The IT boom, Y2K, offshore software development all led to a huge requirement of technical talent but now there seems to be an oversupply. This is the effect of Cobweb Theorem at work. Now upto 80,000 seats go vacant in Tamilnadu every year as neighbouring Kerala has also started self-financing colleges.

According to Cobweb theorem in economics, some industries such as education, plantation will attract more investors or participants based on current demand. But as more people start entering the industry, in course of time there will be oversupply or the industry prospects itself may diminish due to various factors. A new potential industry may have evolved by that time, but the pass-outs are not equipped for such a scenario.

Hence there is no reason why people should still run after engineering seats. It was heartening to meet Mr Vijayan Menon today morning on our return trip from Chennai, who has let his daughter to take a break after plus 2, do English orientation programmes and then decide future course of action next year. The other day we met Sucheta Pal, a leading Zumba fitness trainer in Chennai who quit a well-paid job at TCS to pursue her heart's passion- dance and fitness. The fact that her electrical and electronics engineering degree has gone waste or that her initial work in the engineering industry has gone waste did not deter her from plunging into a totally new career.

One of may old friends at college, who has now become an entrepreneur after doing his engineering degree asked me "why you also want your son to join the  engineering bandwagon?"  Surely, the engineers themselves are feeling engineering as a discipline is losing charm.

Earlier we had the screw driver technology- India colloborated with leading Japan, Korean, US firms to get technology and bring semi-knocked down (SKD) or completely knocked down (CKD) kits, assemble them and sell in their own brand.But now manufactures are getting the entire fabrication done in China which is the manufacturing hub of the world.

So why have such a huge engineering work force unless we are investing heavily in R&D that can be patented and sold abroad?. Arun said the sad part is that entrepreneurship is not promoted in the country. The techies who have bright ideas end up plodding all their lives in companies run by lesser educated people who can't understand the importance of technology.

He said there are lot of opportunities in the media industry which now lacks talent but awareness on this is lacking. Or in e-commerce and services sectors that requires a little of entrepreneurship and risk taking abilities.

That's why the title to this blog: Are we engineering a disaster? I remember people like Abdul Kalam and former Prime Minister Manmohan Singh who have campaigned for more funds for basic scientific research and more courses in basic science which is the need of the hour for India.

Tailpiece: In India, it is not uncommon for children to be forced into certain courses much to their dislike. My wife who had a passion for dance and home science ended up doing pharmacy but has now found her passion in Zumba and has become a qualified  instructor. Shouldn't we leave our children alone to pursue their passions or should we force something that appears to have good job potential?

Animal instinct in Rape-is it real?

There is a belief that animal instincts are base and man has evolved into higher realms of thought and spiritual thinking. Is there any basis for condemning rape as animal instinct and branding it in-human? Is there any evidence to show a male lion will pounce on the female without its consent or for that matter a dog. Zoologists have observed animals do have mating seasons when they tend to become aggressive. That's the time when males fight it out with each other to secure the company of females and not to hurt them.

On the other hand homo sapiens do not have a particular mating season and is fertile throughout the year.
I believe there are reasons to conclude rape is more a manly instinct and is not unique to animals. In many societies, there are not many opportunities for boys and girls to develop good friendship at a young age. We still have 'boys only' and 'girls only' school and even in co-ed schools like the one I studied, a boy talking talking to a girl was most often a taboo.

In the absence of healthy friendships between the sexes, both boys and girls could be overly influenced by half-baked knowledge of peers, pornographic books and videos, come to accept what ever is shared between friends. And they don't discuss this with knowledgeable persons or counsellors to verify whether what they have heard because that culture is alien to us.

If there are large number of rapes still happening after the Delhi incident and consequent punishment of offenders, there is something basically wrong with the way woman are seen and respected in Indian society.

That's why Amanda found it easier to travel alone in Pakistan than India or Bangladesh. In Indian buses, a woman is ever under threat of creeping fingers and lewd looks.(A House in the Sky by Amanda Lindhout, global adventures of a lady backpacker tourist)

I feel women and men do have their unique strengths and weaknesses. Strict laws alone can't prevent rapes- in Gulf countries the genitals of rapists are cut off in public and in the presence of the victim and in most cases in India-life imprisonment to death penalty awaits the sinners.

A more humane approach to healthier relationships would require a radical change in our thoughts and outlook. Boys should be told to have respect for girls-their feelings, security and independence. Girls should be made more bold and be ready to fight any attack on themselves and more importantly work towards healthier relationships in marriage.

If women are seen as mere sex objects, who's to be blamed? Man, provocative women or a male chauvinistic society. Can't we make women both bold and beautiful?

Tailpiece
A large number of rapes happen within marriages and victims are unable to speak out. Recently, the Delhi High Court ruled that there is no question of rape in a legitimised relationship and hence it won't entertain such cases. May be the court felt there could be an enormity of such cases and hence didn't want to put further strains on judiciary.

My first encounter with a freedom fighter: Gopalan Nair of Ulliyeri

Most of us were born after India attained Independence and hence not aware of the hardships freedom fighters had to undergo. I had only read about freedom struggle and the contribution of many who rallied behind Gandhiji to oust the British rulers.

Hence, it was a memorable experience for my family to be with the 94-year old Gandhian KN Gopalan Nair in Kozhikode. One of his sins, according to the British was his involvement in destroying a bridge in Ulliyeri, now an upcoming town in Kozhikode. The Briish rulers were using the bridge to transport coal from Wayanad forests which they got from burning the trees.

Now staying with his daughter Sarala, Gopalan Nair is bed-ridden and needs help to walk. I found that age may have withered his body but that hasn't weakened his mind. He continues to inspire the younger generation- school children, politicians, ministers and people from all walks of life drop in ocassionally to spend time with him, get inspired and learn first hand the hardships he had to undergo in Bellary jail while national leaders were imprisoned for taking part in Quit India struggle.

He continues to monitor developments in Indian politics but I couldn't discuss it with him as he needs to lie down more often and is comfortable talking while sitting. A true Gandhian, he wore only simple khadi clothes which he urged his wife also to follow.

His family members said he always fought against injustice and that was evident when he fell flat before a bus to protest against splashing muddy water at him and careless driving.

All the fighters involved in the Ulliyeri brdige episode are no more except Gopalan Nair. I wish our school and college students could meet up with such leaders and see, learn about people whom they may have read about only in text books. In Gopalan Nair, we have a true Gandhian who had the opportunity to meet Gandhi several times and lived and preached his ideals.

For him, being part of the Congress and freedom movement was an inspiration so much so he quit studies at school while several of his contemporaries may have remained on the sidelines and chose to lead uneventful lives.

As I sat before him, I was thinking if I were born at that time, would I have taken the risk and joined the freedom struggle or simply be on the sidelines.

The mark of a true leader is the vision and ability to take risks, suffer hardships and plunge headlong into it amidst uncertainties.

India is what it is because of their efforts and several challenges of slow economic growth we overcame post Independence. As we were about to leave, I was indeed touched when he asked when are you people coming next.  (I didn't want to take a photo of him in his present state, therefore only showing a citation from Mathrubhumi presented in his honour : Mahatmaji and Mathrubhumi 75 years

Why men fall into love, an exploration into its mysteries

I had written in an earlier blog post that I never believed in marriage. But much before that I was afraid of falling in love! I had a philosopher friend in Ajith during our PG days at Kerala University. He often quoted Osho Rajneesh and other gurus and said falling in love is like catching the tail of a leopard- you suffer even if you hold it or leave it. When you fall in love- if you marry then you still run into trouble or if you don't you suffer the pangs of separation.

In college days, I always delighted in watching pretty girls and wished some of them admired me but never wanted to fall in love. Yet, it was amusing to watch friends and classmates falling in love. Despite my best efforts, I couldn't escape that experience and suffered on that count for at least a few months when I knew it will not work out.

Is there any reason for men falling in love and what really happens after that? The phenomenon of love is still a mystery for many and literature, art,films,drama all explore various aspects of it and it never ends because there is an aura of mystery surrounding it every one may not grasp.

There is a biological reason behind it: Unless a man and woman fall in love and decide to stay together, there will not be offsprings and mankind will not sustain. Anthropologically speaking, the sustenance of mankind was related to the ability of people to fall in love and maintain a family life. Scientists say that a hormone called oxytocin is produced when two people fall in love- even gazing at some one can release this hormone or thinking about them. That is why couples who can't get intimate are given doses of synthetically produced oxytocin to stimulte the brain into falling in love.

So the next time you blame some one for falling into love, remember it is the powerful hormone oxytocin, a neuro transmitter in the brain that is doing the trick. Research into love has generated very interesting insights in this area:

- Men are naturally attracted to pretty women because they find in them a potential to give birth to a beautiful off spring.

-I remember an interesting cover story in Mirror magazine published from Mumbai (now closed down) long time back titled- Should you marry a pretty woman? It said probability of failures in marriage are more in pretty women than average women. I think it works this way- if the man who has married the pretty women is low in self esteem and turns out to be a bad partner- chances are that there are several others in line waiting to grab the treasure! A low self esteemed person is also likely to be more possessive and hence cause marital problems. It could happen in the case of a handsome man and an average woman also.

- It is also said that man can't hide the fact that they are in love: either they start singing, or show visible changes in body language, appearance or even announce unknowingly to those close to them. Here again, anthropology provides some clues: From ancient times, man's status was dependent on attracting the opposite sex and the fairer the better - this boosts his self esteem among his peers and establishes his masculinity. On the other hand women then and now had to be careful not to announce such things until it can be formalised. These days man need not show this kind of masculinity but may be it's a vestige of our hunter-gatherer days.

-Are Indians sex thirsty? I remember reading a provoking cover story in Sunday magazine long time back which said Indian men whether married or not were sex thirsty. There are several reasons why it could be true although the story evoked mixed response from the readers at that time. We are not a permissive society as in the west and hence it is quite natural for men to look for pleasures beyond their wives. Aligned to this is the question whether there can be platonic relationship between a man and women devoid of sex? There are still no clear answers to this- a woman still need to guess when a man shows closeness- whether it's intended for physical needs or just for friendship. That's one reason why daughters right from high school levels are often told to be cautious while dealing with the opposite sex.

- Is there an age to fall in love: Again there are no minimum or maximum age limits. I remember a friend of mine at school falling in love in fifth grade (10 years) with his classmate, sustaining it till college and eventually marrying and now possibly leading a happy life. On the other hand you can also find people like Digvijay Singh, an Indian minister falling in love with a much younger woman at the age of 67. And he has been charged with adultery.

- Love triangles and extra-marital affairs: Films, novels, dramas have all dealt with this theme in various ways that I don't want to analyse it here. However, marriage as an institution is a human creation and in pre-historic times it was likely that couples had multiple partners but as evolutionary changes took place for better upkeep of offspring, their growth and development- mankind had to stick to single partners and it has been legalised in many countries. But the urge to move out of the boundary and explore can't be contained that easily. It accentuates when either partner feels an inadequacy in the relationship and soon all problems begin to crop up. That's why psychologists say it's very important to retain romance.

- The jilted lovers: Again literature and cinema abounds in this- some times jilted lovers remain chronic bachelors all their suffering the pangs of a dream that didn't turn out to be true. Others who marry someone else also retain memories of their old sweet hearts that continue to haunt them. I remember several films where the dejected lover sings a song as his former sweet heart goes off with the bride groom after the wedding function.But the better option is for the dejected lover to be far away so that memories aren't evoked and make his present married life miserable.

As I have said before in my blog, Bhagwan Rajneesh has likened love to the ultimate Truth. When two people fall in love- that's truth, but thereafter when they start thinking in terms of marriage,caste-religion problems, live-in relationships or start getting worried on parental approval-reality sets in.
Often it is painfall for both the partners. Wishing all luck to lovers!

Zumba: The zest for health, beauty and happiness!

Haven't you heard the popular quote: If wealth is lost nothing is lost, if health is lost something is lost, if character is lost everything is lost. All round the world you find people running after wealth ignoring the the other two vital things and end up in a miserable state by middle age-- a rotund figure,bulging stomachs, weak muscles and skin texture. To compound it all you have several negative things popping up on your vital medical tests- cholesterol, blood sugar, blood pressure, heart rate, triglycerides and it is the begining of all traumas that are going to affect them for the rest of their life.

Then people start trying out several things- dieting, exercise, hitting the gym, doing aerobics, or simply taking push-ups and dumb bells at home. These no doubt burn calories but may not be adding to your fitness. Unscientific dieting techniques can create several health and nutrition problems, add to stress and ultimately lead to more fat in your body.

Here comes Zumba!
Zumba, zumba, zumba, zumba,zumba, zumba, zumba ye, zumba aaaa....if this fast number you can see in YouTube makes you hit the floor and swing, then zumba is really for you. It combines aerobics, free style dance, rhythmic body movements, and no pressure to conform to any set basic rules. Dance, apart from being an artform is also useful for right-brain left brain co-ordination and attaining symmetry. Aerobics has already been proven to be best way to burn out calories and combine that with rigorous physical exertion, music and fun-- an enchanting cocktail.

I was not very enthusiastic when my wife Aswathy was keen to join for Zumba at The Floor September 2013. Our daughter Diyah was already there for ballet classes under Maria Roy.

No appreciable change was seen in the first few months but towards the sixth month people started noticing the change in her- our son Darshan's class teacher said your mom looks like your elder sister. Her photos on Facebook attracted hundreds of 'wovs' and the latest one 'High on Happiness with Zumba' was posted in The Floor FB page thanks to her Zumba mentor Arunima Gupta with more comments and likes pouring in. Not to be left out, Maria Roy,Arunima and Aswathy have been urging me to take to the Floor!

Seeing the new look Aswathy several skeptics of Zumba have now become zumba fans with several more likely to follow. One is our former neighbour, Jayasree, a bank manager who rushes from her busy office schedule to be at The Floor by 7.30 pm three days a week for the one-hour workout. Chubby Nitin, a student of catering at Wayanad has also hit the floor recently and is amazed by the change it brings. He says one hour at The Floor is equivalent to six to seven hours work out at the Gym. Jayasree who was quite scary of her poor dancing skills found that no body had the time to look into her faults, you just fall in line seeing what others do.

From early morning itself The Floor at Panampilly Nagar comes live with mentors Arunima, Govind, Poornima all creating a passion for men and women of all ages to be young, healthy, beautiful which all rubs on their character and outlook. In the mean time, just saw an FB post : Beauty catches the attention, but character catches the heart.

For all those interested in Zumba: The Floor, Canal Road, Panampilly Nagar is waiting for you. Contact info: Arunima Gupta 9747640575 or on Facebook: The Floor. Additionally, Aswathy Visweswaran, ZIN has now co-founded Beats 'n' Steps to promote Zumba fitness. You may contact her on aswathydiyah@gmail.com or Mob-9744954607

Apple: Perhaps the only brand that consumers own

Brand signifies value and that's one reason why people spend more to buy a branded product. You can think of Sony, Nike, Benz, Ford, Xerox..... In some cases like Surf, Xerox, the brand has become the commodity.

You could still get a quality stuff from an unbranded product but it is not assured. With a brand you are assured of quality.

Brand loyalty differs from brand to brand-- I have seen some people buy only Levis as none others are perceived to provide a better product in Jeans. But their loyalty will switch to a better product once an innovative product is launched in the market.

Until recently, brand loyalty was strong in newspapers but that too due to force of habit rather than lack of better offerings in the market.

Why is Apple different
Binu Alex, Director of Commodity Online Group in an offtrack column on Apple had explained the reasons why his day begins with Apple and ends with Apple. My son Darshan Sreekumar, wrote in my blog taking exception to some of the statements made in the Commodity Online article.It drew violent protests from some readers using iPhone and several other Apple products.

What was objectionable was my son's observation that most buyers bought iPhone to 'show off' that they are in the big league in society. His comparison with some of the better features of Android was met with the response, Android is a copy or a clone while Apple's operating system is original.

I intended to write this a follow up only to high light a couple of things which have been firmly established in management and marketing theory. The other day one of our family friends, Shaji Sir asked me why are people spending so much money on brands. I tried to briefly tell him why this is happening. For one thing brand denotes quality but an unbranded product can still give you quality stuff at a lower price but there is no assurance or guarantee in this regard.

A simple lesson in Marketing theory now well accepted in management circles points out the motivation to purchase a product by the consumer. It is dependent on four factors: One the real image of the consumer as perceived by him, the image that he wants to project in society, thirdly society's real view of the consumer and the image the consumer thinks the society has of him when he purchases a particular product.

From this it is quite clear that our choice of a product or brand is not just dependent on its utility but on the perceived value it can bring to us in society and attendent benefits that may accrue.

A CEO owning Mercedes Benz  and another owning Honda City are perceived differently by the society in terms of success, achievements, company profile, attitude, and several other factors.

Apple the brand consumers own
Now I come to postulate a theory that perhaps Apple may be the only product which is really loved and owned by the consumers. I think Apple has done a clever mix of psychology, superior design, technology features, innovations in such a way that a user ultimately becomes to much identified with the product. It is almost like two people falling in love-- lot of oxytoxins that create good feeling for the user is created even its logo, design and looks. In the case of most other brands, the ownership rests with the company and the company is owned by several share holders.

In the case of Apple, it is foremost owned by the consumers (although they may not own a share) who have really fell in love with it that even a criticism about the product can hurt its sentiments. It is just as when you are in love, you perceive your partner to be the paragon of ulitmate virtue and beauty, beyond compare. Apple brand owners are not all interested in a comparison with Android because for them Apple ios is beyond compare.

I still believe much of the marketing theory I outlined above with respect to a consumer's choice of a brand holds for Apple as well. No one can deny it.But the success of Apple is having created an intelligent, beautiful anbd innovative partner for its customers such that they have been hooked to it.

Problem parents create Problem children

A 5-year old girl tells her grandmother people marry to quarrel and fight. Shocked, the grandma calls up her daughter to check whether they fight in front of the children.

Playschool and KG teachers I've interacted with have told me several instances of bad behavior in children that can be attributed to unhappiness prevailing at home.

Dr A Nirmala, a leading child psychologist, in whose Shantiniketan School, my son Darshan had his early education, often said they sometimes got children at age 3 and above in a spoilt condition and faced an uphill task setting them right.

When I first became a parent I was apprehensive of living up to the role. My fears led to me read several books on child psychology and parenting.

Early childhood experiences can turn out to be bad or good depending on how each child perceives the problem later on and how parents, teachers, relatives and friends respond to it.

I was myself a subject of ridicule in early school days for my clumsy looks and below average academics compared to my intelligent brother. In Transactional Analysis terms, the Child in me was only having unedited feelings associated with " I am not Ok" for a long time. But I was able to overcome this without any professional help. May be it was the English language teachers who spotted my potential to write and some friends at college who saw my skills suited for the media industry that helped overcome the crisis.

Dr Sunita, a leading child psychiatrist who held a session at Diyah's Rajagiri Kindergarten emphasised the need for a good family atmosphere for the balanced development of a child. She said that atleast for dinner, all family members should sit together and share the day's concerns and feelings.

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorders (ADHD) , lack of concentration, poor interpersonal skills, bullying, stealing, several other childhood problems can be traced to excessive viewing of TV by parents, lack of intimacy between parents, quarrel some atmosphere at home, and lack of quality time parents give to children.

In these days of double income-1-2 kids families, parents are under pressure to advance their careers that they sometimes fail to give quality time to their children. So I was really happy to learn about Manu Kappan and Amrita who left high paying jobs in UK to give quality time for their daughter Rose, a friend of our daughter Diyah.

Diyah is herself struggling to overcome the trauma of 3-month separation from us when she was just one and a half years old as my wife was busy with her pharmacy business and we had to sent her to her mother's place seeing her only once or twice a week.

Even now when Diyah insists we should be with her where ever she goes and Aswathy gets irritated- I've a hard time convincing her it is not Diyah's fault but the unedited recordings in her Child that gives a feeling of fear, insecurity and inadequacy that plays again and again, needing positive strokes from time to time from us.

I don't know whether I am right in treating my children as friends but always with them as a guide. But will it rob them of the do's and don'ts that are staple recording in our Parent? (In every day psychological realm, it is the Super Ego).

I am no doubt indebted to Mr Hari Kartha (Amritha TV), renowned journalist,my first mentor and guide in the competitive media world, for an important parental lesson. His father was also a well-known journalist. Seeing a framed photo of his father in his home, I asked him how far was he an influence in selecting Journalism as a career. Hari said his father had only warned: "Never Son, never into Journalism." Then what was his contribution to you as a person? Hari said he did not inherit money or wealth from his father but only a set of good values to live by.

This conversation took place even before I had thought of marriage. But every time I spend time with my children, I get reminded of the importance of values. That's the most inexpensive gift you can give your children that can help them sail over the viccissitudes of life.

A long time skeptic now sees Enlightenment in Marriage!

Since early childhood I have been attending wedding functions and witnessing the formation of new families. However, my search for a fuller understandng on why mankind needs marriage is perhaps reaching fruition now.

My mother used to say marriage brings discipline and purpose to life. My first guide and mentor in the media world, Mr Hari Kartha, always reminded me of the four stages of life mentioned in our scriptures- childhood, teenage, youth and old age. A youth needs to marry and lead a settled life with wife and children before renouncing all this and seek salvation.

According to Swami Sukha Bodhananda enlightenment should be our intention in life. "Even marriage ultimately leads to enlightenment. Before getting married you lived for yourself. The moment you married 'I' in you has to be divided into two. If you continue with only the 'I', your wife will finish you. The 'I' in you gets expanded to include the two of you or else you would become self-centered. From the Union of two you get children."

So one thing is very important in marriage: the dilution of ego. I have already stated in my first blog post on marriage that love is the foundation on which a successful marriage can be built.

In order for love to flow, ego is a hindrance. So first we need to start shedding it.

As Bhagawan Rajneesh said when a boy or a girl meet, there is a point where each of them feel the love towards each other and forget themselves temporarily may for seconds or minutes-that is Truth or a samadhi state. But once you come out of it, you fall in the realm of Reality. What next: should we remain lovers or think of marriage. Will our parents accept the relationship and related issues of caste, wealth, religion all crop up-- the truth is lost and reality sets in. According to Rajneesh, Reality is Truth interpreted. (This is the best possible definition of Truth and Reality I have stumbled upon in my readings).

I remember our high school NCERT text book on biology which had a chapter on reproduction. It said a marriage was not about sexual attraction, kissing, inter-course, child birth, but lot of subtle family, cultural, ethical, societal factors come into play to make it a success.

How many of us rush into marriage not knowing what is the purpose behind it, what is the goal, what are the foundations required to make it a success.Therein lies the crux of the problem we see in marriages.

I was seeking an answer to all these in the past 40 years and it was only a casual reading of Shiva Mantras by Swami Sukhabodhananda (thanks to KrishnaMani Ma'm of KrishnaJyothi Group) that skepticism about marriage has now started vanishing. If someone had told this to me 17 years ago, what miracle would have happened to my family life?

Little things that can make or mar a marriage relationship!

I have always curiously observed couples quarrel for reasons most often trivial to  mild and end up not speaking to each other days. This defies logic but after all marriage itself is most of the time devoid of it.

This is the third in the series on my outlook on marriage and how difficult it is make it a success. As someone who never believed in marriage as an institution, my continuing observations about family life from different angles : one, as a family man, second, as an observer and thirdly as how others see it , will be shared with readers.

I think in one of Tolstoys's books it is mentioned that in quarrelling truth is always lost. However, quarrels are part of every day life- the trick lies in managing them.

Here are few of the little things that work against a good relationship developing between couples:

Tit-for-Tat: It is a human tendency to pay in the same coin. This happens with couples too-- if the husband fails to give due respect and properly take care of a wife's in-laws or relatives, wife retaliates the same way. Or if the husband was expected at a house for a particular function of  his spouse's relative but didn't turn up, the wife may retaliate by refusing to attend a function of a husband's relative or friend. This revengeful attitude doesn't often improve relationships but only worsens it.

Politicking: When it involves two families of husband and wife, politicking is inevitable. Whatever, husband's family does or a particular person does may be dubbed by the wife as unacceptable and vice-versa. Sometimes, when husband-wife are not in good terms, a good suggestion or idea that comes from either of them don't get accepted mutually and hence progress in the relationship gets increasingly difficult. I have seen good friends whose families knew each other well, getting married but ultimately ending up playing petty politics refusing to do anything to help their 'inlaws'  or understand them. Even their earlier 'aunty' - uncle relationship itself gets strained.

When In-laws become Outlaws: When you marry each spouse ends up with a set of in-laws- father-in-law, mother-in-law their brothers, sisters, and friends. Most often how each spouse treats their respective inlaws can make or mar a relationship. I have seen wives who refuse to go and stay in their in-laws house and vice-versa but it is possible that in-laws could themselves be a reason for that. Their undue interference in the marriage, stoking fire to a strained relationship rather than healing them. When a marriage runs into trouble, it is natural for wife's parents to justify her behaviour while husband's parents stand by him. This can just kill any opportunity to build bridges between the two families.

Many working couples are forced to seek the help of their parents to look after children due to difficulty in getting good maid servants. But this can create lot of strife as there could be clash on parent's traditional way of bringing up children and the more forward looking approach of their children. Interference in day-to-day life by the inlaws can create such a hell, that I've seen some of them being 'out-lawed' and sent back home.

Opening Old wounds: In a relationship, it is possible that a husband might have behaved or done something bad to his wife, their relatives and vice versa. Sometimes they settle it and continue as if nothing has happened. But when trouble erupts, they replay'historic' events once again much to the dismay of each of the partners. "Didn't you do this to me 5 years ago, you have always been like this, hurting me, belittling me in front of others." Now the trouble is apart from the new cause that created the new tension, one of the partners poked the other recalling the forgotten incident. It is like pouring oil over burning fire.

Blame Game: When a relationship runs into trouble, wife creates arguments justifying her stand, how she has been a victim all these years in the hands of this cruel husband and his family! While the husband accusses her of cleverly stating facts to win sympathy and line up popular discontent against him. Even when they sit before a counsellor, wife would be happy if the counsellor speaks in support of her. The moment the counsellor puts a set of suggestions for her to change, she gets upset. The same can happen in the case of husband also. In the end both come out of the consulting room unanimously blaming the psychologist as useless and good for nothing. Even as they unite in blaming the counsellor their mutual blame game against each other continues.

KidShare: The traditional mindset of the society was that a lion's share of brining up children should rest with the wife-- who looks after the physical, emotional, academic needs of children. Husband's role was limited to earning for the family, taking them out occassionaly, playing with children and scold or whack them when required. For the children should have a fear of parental authority. However, 'new age' parenting requires husband also to a play an active role in bringing up children so that they see in him as a role model. I think not many men are yet to accept this new role being caught in the traditional mindset. This again can cause tensions if the wife has seen a father in their circle taking an active role in bringing up children.

Independence: Spouses often quarrel about loss of independence in marriage. This is quite inevitable but what they are hinting at is the desire for each of them to pursue their interests and maintain former friendships. For eg. if the husband is a former cricket player and has lot of friends in those circle, he may want to take time off from the family to pursue his old interests but that can cause strife if wife feels that is coming in the way of their closeness in family. I have seen many people say marriage hasn't destroyed my independence: I still go to movies, meet friends, have an occassional drink with old friends. But most often marriage is a destroyer of independence.

Transparent: How much transparency should be kept in a relationship? What all things a partner should hide regarding his college or school life or just about anything. A husband who tells everything about a former lover at college could feel himself transparent and appear as honest before his wife. But it is possible that if he continues to be in touch with the former lover, wife could start suspecting. Lack of transparency can hurt, if either partner finds out something that was kept a secret.

PH-PW Syndrome: Possessive Husband- Possessive Wife. Possessiveness in partners- I would say it's real hell for both of them. Undue Possessiveness could be attributed to some insecure feelings that have been recorded in their childhood days and played again and again in life (Transactional Analysis : Eric Berne, Dr Thomas Hardy). They not only fear loss of partners but also friends and children. Extreme possessiveness can be seen in a mother who dislikes others interacting more with their children. If husband is average looking,with low self esteem, and wife very pretty, husband could be extremely possessive. I have heard of such husbands locking up their wives while going out from home or refusing to take them out fearing other people would be attracted to her.

Quarrel: I have seen couples quarrelling in the open and they seem to delighting in it. There is a golden rule: In quarreling, the truth is often lost.  and sometimes, the hangover of a bad quarrel can last for weeks and months.

Tailpiece: Victims: In any strained marriage, the unfortunate victims are children. I will deal with it in my subsequent columns on this issue. Meanwhile, wishing all couples happiness and joy!!!

Couples: Matching personality types may be the way to success in marriage

If you are tired of hearing the same solutions for a marriage that is going through difficult times: adjust, compromise and understand each other, I won't blame you.

For couples who are unwilling to shed their egos, it makes little sense to try these strategies. Haven't you heard, the ideal marriage would be between a deaf husband and a blind wife or something like that.

It is believed that no two individuals are alike and God made it that way. There are even differences between brothers and sisters, twin brothers and sisters born to the same parents. So how do you fit two people born and brought up in different families, socio-economic mileau or sometimes from different castes and religion to work out in real life?
I think we need to analyse the personality types to look for the right fit to happen in a marriage relationship.

1)Hardcore conventional

2)Modern

3)Eccentric

4)Perverted

Now let's find out the attributes of a hardcore conventional husband and wife:

1 a)Hardcore conventional husband: He is brought up on traditional family values and a stickler for rules and regulations. His personality expressed in Transactional analysis (Parent-Adult-Child) would be dominated by the Parent. Since his parent is dominating-he will hold onto moral values and his commandments will be do this, do that and not an inch more. He may believe in wife being subservient in all respects, also expect the wife to be 100% traditional in looks, beliefs and attitude. He may place his own family members above any one else and expect his wife and children to be like them and respect them. He may hold only coventional jobs, not a risk taker, not adventurous or romantic. He would like his wife to wash and iron his clothes,look after children, prepare food and serve them, keep the house clean. His job would be to go to office on time, return and enjoy reading a newspaper, book or simply watch TV. He may occasionaly take the family out for a film, shopping or weekend outing but again with pre-determined itinery.He may be a strict father to his children and believes in keeping family members in their proper places not giving undue freedom. In making purchases or planning something, he will still hold the upper hand although he may consult wife and children just for namesake. The conventional husband is conventional even in dressing-- he may not even wear a T-shirt or allow modern dresses to be worn by wife and children. He is likely to be a teetotler and a non-smoker.

1 b)Hardcore Conventional Wife: Like the hardcore conventional husband, the typical wife was also brought up on traditional values. No matter what you learn or achieve, you are going to end up in your husband's house obeying whatever they say. She will always remain a shadow of her husband and even if educated may not like to go for a job or because her husband's family doesn't like it. She willingly becomes part of the household and strive hard to be a good wife, mother, daughter-in-law and possibly not voice her thoughts and views for fear of being rejected or ridiculed. In transactional analysis (PAC), her Adult position may be weak and her Child was constantly directed to obey rather than question. He may not have any hobbies or interests and not likely to pursue them as she gets little time. She is expected to wear conventional dresses, hair style and make up, and obediently accompanying husband in social functions and events. Most often her role would be restricted to smiling, or saying "is it." However, in woman's company, these types may indulge in their favourite gossips to vent out their stress. After giving birth to children, they are not likely to be bothered about looks and end up rotound at the age of 40.

2 a)Modern Husband: He may have been born to parents having a modern outlook or acquired it while at college and subsequently on the job. A typical modern would have looks, manners, dressing and even attitude that reflect a global outlook. He may be member of more than a few clubs, play tennis or golf. He is most likely to be a  professional in a large company or running his own business. His choice of books, music, attire and friends would reflect his modern image.Most likely to opt for an automobile even if it is beyond his immediate means but ensure that his status is maintained.It is not unlikely that he will land into financial troubles but still have a way out. His travel would criss-cross the continents of the world and would most likely have an iPad, Iphone, Mac PC and other gadgets. His children would most probably follow his traits. He would be comfortable in bermudas in the evenings. He is likely to treat children as friends and help them share their concerns at any level.

 2b) Modern Wife: Like the modern husband may have been born to parents in the upper middle class income group and High Networth Individuals category. Or they may have acquired it at college and afterwards. This would be reflected in their dressing, manners, hairstyle, attitudes and beliefs, the company they keep. They will most probably be part of some ladies clubs and can often be seen in boutiques and fitness centres. They may have a professional job or run their own business independent of husband. They ride their own car and two wheeler and would most probably have independent views-- as opposed to their parents, husbands and friends. In Transactional Analysis their Adult and Child could be more activated- they are likely to be creative and innovative in business and work. Likely to see children as friends just as the dad does.

3 a) Eccentric Husband: An eccentric husband is most likely to be highly educated but hold beliefs or act in a manner which are often considered uncoventional. They may read a novel while walking on the road. They could be very creative types but dropped out of college and wear uncoventional dresses. The extreme eccentric case is that of Albert Einstein who picked up cigarette butts off the street to get tobacco for his pipe. An eccentric could avoid social gatherings and rather have a drink alone at a pub. They may read a book at the top of a tree. They would be least bothered about children and their studies but still share some fine moments with them from time to time.

"Eccentricity is often associated with genius, intellectual giftedness, or creativity. People may perceive the individual's eccentric behavior as the outward expression of their unique intelligence or creative impulse.[1] In this vein, the eccentric's habits are incomprehensible not because they are illogical or the result of madness, but because they stem from a mind so original that it cannot be conformed to societal norm" (WikiPedia)
As society sees lot of unconventional in them, they are also likely to be branded a bit mad but that is not so. Novelist Orhan Pamuk said on his eccentricity : In the mornings I used to say goodbye to my wife like someone going to work, I'd leave the house, walk around a few blocks, and come back like a person arriving at the office.

3 b) Eccentric Wife: Eccentric women have been found in the realm of arts, theatre, show business but we are not aware of eccentric women among middle class or upper middle class but such creative types are most likely to live alone but still making a lot of money from their profession. They need not necessarily come from an eccentric lineage but may have acquired it at some point in their life.

4 a) Perverted Man would see pervsion in almost anything-- a well dressed woman, a beautiful child. According to Wikipedia, perversion is a type of human behavior that deviates from that which is understood to be orthodox or normal.

It is not just related to sexuality alone but to a whole host of behavior that could have impact on social life. A perversion could be a hatred for anything produced by a foreign company. A pervision could be seeing ulterior motives in a boy and girl talking or walking together. Lot of such examples can be made out which applies to a perverted man and woman.

So what types fit in marriage 

For Sure: 1a and b: Traditional vs traditional which is not likely to run into trouble but life would still be routine and without excitement.
For sure: 2a and b: A modern can't be pitted against a traditonal-there could be clashes but among modern couples differences still can crop up that needs deft handling
For Sure: Eccentric vs Eccentric is likely to succeed as both are likely to be responsive to the other. But Eccentric may not match with the modern or the traditonal.Best eg of an eccentric: Myself telling synopsis of what I have read from philosophy, religion or psychology books to put my wife Aswathy to sleep. She likes it too-- says my sound is soothing, a sleeping pill!. Or somebody like me who doesn't like his wife to serve food but keep it where it is or find happiness in her teasing me..

Unsure: Perverted people could cause havoc every where and they can't be pitted against anyone.

Aberrations: It is possible that some people may be modern when it comes to dress but traditonal when it comes to thoughts and beliefs. Similarly, there are people are traditional in looks but whose thought could be progressive or modern. It is also possible that a traditional persona can have a bit of eccentricity, so also the modern.

No more secrets to a successful marriage!

Since childhood I  never believed in marriage and held on to it even at the time of my marriage in 1997 at the age of 27.  I hadn't observed any happy marriages although divorce rates were !esser at that time.

Socrates said by all means marry, if you are successful you are happy or you become a philosopher.

Sadly,looking around I don't find happy families although they appear to be so nor do I see a swelling of philosophers!

Instead you have couples in distress, groping in the dark,not knowing why they are not happy. Still others hold on feeling grudge towards each other but also feeling trapped. They believe they made the wrong choice and keep blaming themselves.

Still others break up or live separately. There was a classic case of a couple who held on till the marriage of their children and immediately went for divorce soon after.

I went into marriage more out of pressure from my mother who was alone after my father's death  and persuasion from friends and well wishers.

I could not marry the girls I loved or liked or the girls who admired  me. But I always believed whether or not you marry the person you love there must be love to keep a relationship going after marriage.

It was with this hope I invited Aswathy Visweswaran into my life. I don't know what attracted her to me and back.

To be frank our initial years were a mixture of melancholy, a little fun and no romance. Our life resembled Aravindan's art movies of yesteryears where one character speaks the other responds after a long gap!!! Ups and downs in my journalistic career only added to our cash flow worries.

We were poles apart in many things- she's an extrovert, me an introvert. She likes travel, I like reading, she likes Hindi films, I prefer music, she likes dressing up for the occassion , I wore an unkempt look- only differences!!!!

Frustration reached such highs she simply threw away the chain with the Thali and we both abandoned our wedding ring  long back.

After the second year, our son Darshan came to our life and perhaps he was one reason that kept us together. A congenital hole in his heart constantly kept us on our toes. But we were determined to raise our child differently giving our quality time. Aswathy never stops telling others of the effort I took for our children so that they turn out to be creative and intelligent. May be it will help them do well in life.

So what saved our marriage? In bestseller US novel Redemption - a journalism professor enters into an extra marital affair with a beautiful student while his wife forgets herself for a day with her childhood lover but in the end realizes her true love is for her estranged husband. Extramarital relationships are no solution for a marriage in distress. Or blaming each other for our misery.  Neither did we fall into depression or take to pills, alcohol or try to end life.
.
Aswathy persevered hard to make some subtle changes in me- like the value of surprises, gifts, making other feel the love rather than bottle it. I always wanted her to be a mix of boldness, beauty, practical wisdom and manage things on her own. In 2004 July when she said she wanted to start a pharmacy business rather than being employed as a pharmacist on low salary, I readily agreed.-provided all the support and encourage ment. That in no small measure boldened her personality and manage crisis situations better.

I also wanted her English skills to improve and wear Saree more. We celebrated the arrival of our cute Diyah 10 years after Darshan. She leased off her business to spend more time with Diyah and the whole family.

As we are about to celebrate our 17 years of togetherness in July, in our new abode "Mercury" in Kochi which again is a result of her labor; our success from near disaster happened just because of the foundation of love on which our relationship was built. There was never any love lost between us but may be it took time to flower and blossom.

Even now we quarrel at times but settle it as quickly as possible.

Zumba & KrishnaJyothi Group
Lot of the changes that could can now be seen in Aswathy was no doubt the Zumba (fitness/dance) sessions at The Floor run by Arunima Gupta and Maria Roy in Kochi. I have no words to thank them for the confidence they created in her. Not to forget the tremendous contribution of Krishna Jyothi group in Kochi  led by KrishnaMani Ma'm, the satsangs and family get togethers that ensured positive energy flow in our family.

Recently she stunned the world cutting her hair short and sporting a more trendy look. Many wondered- did it have my approval--100 percent yes. She donated 12 inches of her silky hair for a charitable cause to make natural hair wigs for cancer patients gone bald and got herself groomed by stylist Ambika  Pillai as a bonus. It was also widely covered with photos in a few newspapers. Now it's my turn to shed my unkempt looks.!!

I come back to the headline of this article: there are no secrets for a happy marriage. Remember you were born into love and that was the gift you received first from your mother. Why don't we shed our egos and misunderstanding and build happy families based on this God given 4-letter word?

Tailpiece: Recently, Aswathy told some friends and family members she would like Sreekumar to be her husband in next life too!  I wonder shouldn't both of us not give our former lovers and admirers a chance?

India votes 2014: Can the electorate call for change from 'Pseudo-secular to 'secular'?

It is indeed interesting to watch the poll scene in India as the electorate gets prepared to cast their vote to send their representatives to the 16th Lok Sabha. Candidates are not running after the Aam Admi but after religious leaders perhaps to get their blessings and to influence a community under them. A welcome relief was Nandan Nilekani who decided to meet the Aam aadmi by travelling in buses and meeting people at their homes.

In the South Indian state of Kerala, Deen Kuriakose, a Youth Congress President and Idukki constituency candidate was virtually snubbed by Bishop Mathew Anikuzhikattil who also criticised outgoing MP PT Thomas and accused youth congress leaders for being arrogant and immature.

Leading comedian, Innocent contesting as CPM independent in Chalakudy constitutency also first went and met Christian religious leaders before beginning his campaign. Even as his name was proposed for LDF candidature, he met Catholic Archbishop of Thrissur Mar Andrews Thazhath and held talks with him. But Times of India said that he declined to divulge details of the talks.

Meanwhile, KPCC President V M Sudheeran sparked a row when he went to Nair Service Society (NSS) headquarters in Changanacherry in Central Kerala (Nairs represent upper class Hindus)- he didn't wait to meet its President Sukumaran Nair but went off in a hurry after paying tributes at Mannam Samadhi. It was considered improper and an insult to NSS.

One may wonder why religious leaders have say in politics when they should be confining themselves to religious and social activities. It was even evident in the case of Kasturi Rangan committee report which suggested several measures for the protection of Western Ghats. Several religious leaders also came out against this report which prima facie doesn't seem to have suggested eviction of existing houses or plantations identified as fragile and hence not permissible for human habitation.



Despite the 42nd Amendemnt of the Constitution declaring India as a secular republic, there is a strange intrusion of politics into religion and religion into politics. As some one jokingly put a Facebook book post: "I will only vote for a secular party but the candidate should be from my caste."

What the framers of Indian Constitution intended was not this kind of a secular India. People have the right to hold on to their religious beliefs and propagate them but State has not religion.

Policy makers at the centre considered minorities as vote banks and hence their appeasement caused Rashtriya Swayam Sevak (RSS) and its political outfit, BJP to emerge stronger over the years, according to one theory.

I can't understand why such differences were allowed to crop up once we declared the nation as 'secular', That is where the Aam Admi party is giving hope to the electorate as their major objective is not appeasement or propagation of Hindutva but fight against corruption and bring in good governance.

Readers ar(e requested to air their views on this interesting issue either in comments section or could send their write up to sreekumsree@gmail.com)

Is the Indian System of academics a Boon or a Bane?

By Darshan Sreekumar

   The Indian system of academics, like CBSE and ICSE, focus on teaching every single subject available. This starts from Primary School. The students are forced to learn all the subjects on the pre-defined curriculum, whether they like it or not.  They don’t care if a student is incapable of grasping a particular subject (say, subject ‘X’). They just expect him/her to somehow study and pass the exam, and the student if he/she fails in the Subject’ X’ exam, is detained. The question we need to ask ourselves is- Is this the right way??

Definitely not.  Each one of us has strength and a weakness. Nobody is perfect. What Indian system measures is the perfection put into each subject. This is what the student is assessed on. That is not what should be done. The students’ strengths and weaknesses should be identified, and they should be judged according to the perfection of their strengths.  My dad, once told me about his classmate in high school, who was kicked out of school because he failed in languages. However, he had scored 100% in mathematics. This is what my dad said: “this guy was amazing... he could solve math problems from 10^th grade when he was in 6^th grade. Think of it!!! However, with the way our system judged him, he was considered as ‘utter failure’. This unnamed person, is currently doing some business of his own, and couldn't come up in life the way he would have if he were a mathematician. We lost a great mathematician because of our poor judgement.

Well, if this is how it goes, I wouldn't be surprised if India’s development goes at a slow pace. We need to encourage students to pursue what they are capable of and what they love doing. This is the only way we can boost our development. In India, most parents force students to take up Medicine or Engineering as their subject in college. Why?? Just because they think it is the most paid job available. Seriously people... Think!!!  Those times are long gone!  This is the time of entrepreneurs and innovators. In today’s fast world only innovations can survive.  I'm not saying that students who are wholeheartedly interested in engineering/medicine should be pulled back.

This is the beginning of a new world. A world, where life is fast and systematic. In order to keep up, we have to change our academic system and our stereotypic minds. This is not only for individual development, but for the development of the entire nation.  We HAVE to opt for a change.  It’s up to the people to decide what they want, and I’m saying that this modern and ideal academic system is what we should try to implement.



This article was written by my son, Darshan, who is a 15-year old high school student... an avid music enthusiast, learning drums, guitar, and vocals. He  also has a passion for photography and technology. 

Music and Sound: Be your own Resul Pookutty!

By Sreekumar Raghavan
If you love hearing music, you can do so while working on your computer or even while reading and doing household chores. Tired of listening to music from Youtube using coventional headphones which was causing pain on my ears, pulled it out from the jack. Why not use the single jack head phone and connect it to green audio jack on the front of your PC?

To listen to or record music you needn't be a Oscar award winning Resul Pookutty or for that matter know anything about acoustics or physics. I tried it out with amazing results. All you need is a Realtek Audio and desire to listen to some good music.  If you are listening to your favourite classical Hindi song of Kishore Kumar you could perhaps opt for a 'room' atmosphere and select 'bass' or 'party' mood appropriate for the song. If you are listening to a rock or jazz, you have the option of 'auditorium' or concert hall and 'Rock' and 'Pop' settings.

For Chitti Babu's 'Temple Bells', rendering on Veena: 'Auditorium' and 'Classical' effect were just right while a Rafi melody was more melodious with a 'soft' and Rooom setting. Salil da's Chemmeen hits can have the appropriate 'sea' effect created in RealTek.

If you want to feel like Pookutty moving some tabs up and down, you have that too: Wave, S/W Synth, Front and Rear settings which can be adjusted to suit your taste.If you are recording with a micro phone, you have the option to adjust line, CD, microphone volume and do some + and - with stereo mixing.

When you do these with the basic features of RealTek, you learn what digitisation can do to music- both vocal and instrumental. Then you understand even an average singer's rendering can be made powerful at the backend with some intelligent technology.

Why buy iPhone, when you have better options??

by Darshan Sreekumar.

The apple iPhone, is pretty much like its name. It’s just an apple. People prefer to buy apples instead of bananas or gooseberries (which are much more nutritious) just because the apples look cool and are expensive. Same way, people prefer to buy apple Inc. products because they look cool and are expensive. There are many companies like Sony, Nokia, HTC, etc. which offer way better phones with bigger, sharper displays, better durability, faster processors, and better cameras, all at a much lower price. However, due to the iPhone’s high price and cool looks, it has become a sign of wealth and style. This attracts buyers from all sides. Personally, I prefer Sony Xperia Z1 over an Apple iPhone 5, because the Z1 is bigger, faster, user friendly, more durable (water, dust, and shock resistant) and is comparatively less expensive. The iPhone is not durable. All it takes is a strong bump, and the next thing you know, you're picking up iPhone pieces from the ground. Another main demerit of iPhone is its connectivity issues. You can’t send to/ receive from another non-Apple device via Bluetooth.

iPhone’s Wi-Fi hotspot can be accessed by another Apple product only . This is a quite a disadvantage when other phones in the market can connect to, send to, and receive from, any other device (except Apple products, of course). The other day, I was looking at Nexus 5 and Moto G, both from Google. These phones look cool, are lightning fast, and have crisp displays and mind blowing cameras. However, the mere fact that they are not expensive puts them behind the iPhone. What most people look for is something to show off with. When you have an iPhone, it highlights the fact you are rich enough to afford an expensive iPhone.

Think about Micromax and Xolo, which make cool phones at low prices, but aren’t noticed because they are not “popular”.

Google’s Android OS, used by many smartphone manufacturers today, is much more versatile, user friendly, and can perform more activities than Apple’s iOS.

The iOS has its limitations and cannot be customized beyond a limit, unlike Android which has no limitations, and can be customized to any extent. The only advantage of owning an iPhone is that you can show off. Nothing more, nothing less.

If anyone asked me to recommend a mobile phone manufacturer, I’m pretty sure my answer would be “Go for Sony, Nokia, HTC, Google or Samsung. But definitely not Apple”.

Please note: I mean to criticize no Apple products other than iPhone. I find iMac, MacBook, and iPod very useful, sensible, and impressive.

This article was written by my son, Darshan, who is a 15-year old high school student... an avid music enthusiast, learning drums, guitar, and vocals. He also has a passion for photography, technology.

Animal stereotypes in stories: My cat is adventurous!

Do animals have the characteristics attributed to it in stories that we tell our children? Is fox so cunning? Or for that matter the crocodile? Is elephant as intelligent or ants naughty?

Such stereotypes have found a place in children's literature and they get repeated again and again- it gets entrenched in our minds.

One of the bed time stories I weaved for Diyah the other day has a Pussy cat as the central character who is adventurous.

There was a pussy cat that liked to climb trees no matter what the height. The granpa and grandma in the house was scared of it. They woudl often shout: 'Pussy you will fall down." It fell several times, but landed on all fours and escaped injury.

On a this day, the cat wasn't lucky. It slipped  from a coconut tree into a nearby well. Tiger the dog began to bark inviting the attention of every one. Grandpa and Grandma rushed to the well to find Pussy hanging by its forelegs about to fall.Grandpa and grandpa shouted loud, "Pussy in the well" while the Tiger continued to bark.

Balu, a 8 year old boy staying next house came running with two poles. It helped support Pussy hind legs with one pole and kept the other one on top so that it can release its fore legs and catch on to it. All those gathered around slowly pulled the poles up while Pussy balanced its legs in two poles.

And soon the Pussy was out of the well and ran to the front of the house. Grandpa was eager to scold him but Balu said let it take a well deserved rest. All those gathered showered praise on Balu for saving the Pussy.

But there was no stopping the adventurous Pussy much to the dismay of the grandma and g

randpa.Meanwhile, I found Diyah fast asleep as the story ended.